Wednesday, March 20, 2013

50 Shades of Tantra

Hoping to get your pulse racing, your kundalini rising, and your chakras spinning like tops? Not all Tantra is the same. Let’s start by exploring 5 paths of Tantra to get your aura started.  

I imagine that 50 shades is actually a modest estimation. This is increasingly true in this modern age, especially now that Tantra is becoming so popular here in the West. Tantra has been around for thousands of years and continues to evolve as Eastern philosophy meets Western psychology.  Allow me to guide you toward the shade of Tantra that suits you. I will describe 5 paths of Tantra.  Each path is represented by a color. Within these five tantric paths, there are easily 10 variations or shades of interpretation available, which would give you the proverbial 50 shades of Tantra.   

White Tantra is used to describe a spiritual path of Tantra which incorporates meditation, breath work, sounds and postures.  Although all of the major chakras or energy centers are recognized in this practice, it is the upper two chakras; the third eye and the crown chakra, which seem to get all the conscious attention.  These are the energy centers that connect with our intuition and spirituality.  In this culture we tend to equate Tantra with great sex. However, the white path doesn’t really focus on the physical act of sex at all! White Tantra is primarily a solo practice between you and spirit.  Although this is a solo practice, White Tantra does acknowledge relationships as having merit. The various people who come into our lives are said to provide us with a mirror to help us learn and grow.   

Personally, I define Tantra as more of a philosophy than a religion. However, I recognize that there are some people who practice Tantra religiously. Some forms of Tantra have become so intertwined with the beliefs of a specific religion such as; Hinduism, Taoism, or Buddhism that it is difficult to sort out where the religion ends and the Tantra begins.  Within the practice of White Tantra, sexual energy is often re-directed or channeled towards spiritual transformation, creative endeavors, healing, expanded awareness, and what some might refer to as enlightenment.  Sexual activity is not strictly “forbidden” by most of the White Tantra practices; however, quite often followers of White Tantra are influenced by religious teaching that value chastity, sexual abstinence or celibacy.

If you are an individual who is seeking a journey of spiritual enlightenment or a deeper connection with God or spirit, then perhaps white Tantra is for you. Kundalini yoga is a popular practice in this culture that is often categorized as White Tantra.  However, if your reason for exploring tantra is primarily in hopes of learning new ways to improve your sex life, you may be disappointed.   

Red Tantra is a path of Tantra best known for bringing us Tantric Sex. Red Tantra is primarily a practice that you do with your partner. The union between you and your beloved is seen as a form of god and goddess worship that creates not only a bond with your partner but a bridge or connection to the divine god and goddess. You and your partner embody the god and goddess, and when you come together to make love using Tantric Rituals, you join body, heart, mind and spirit. All of the chakras or energy centers of the body are involved in the connection. The intention is to create a piece of heaven on Earth that transcends the physical act of sex. By incorporating Tantric practice into your love life, you can reach not only higher levels of pleasure and connection, but a higher spiritual vibration as well.  

My understanding is that in India, Red Tantra was originally a highly advanced spiritual practice that was only taught to those who had achieved a level of mastery of the White Path of Tantra. Today there are secular forms of Red Tantra in the West that do not require followers to achieve any mastery. The focus of this more secular form of Tantra is primarily on exploring bliss, ecstasy, and all the pleasurable sensations you can achieve during love making. Tantric Sex is now something that couples may explore, with or without the original spiritual intent.  

Red Tantra is known for luxurious love making sessions that last for hours, ideally leading to multiple, full-body orgasms… with or without an ejaculation.  The more secular forms of Red Tantra focus on erotic and romantic love, activating mostly the lower chakras; the primal, sexual and sensual energies of the root and sacral chakras. However, without the spiritual component to the practice, the upper chakras do not receive as much attention. The sacred forms of Red Tantra lead to a sense of euphoric oneness not only with your partner, but with the universe and God. The more secular forms of Red Tantra encourage couples to spend lots of time making love and exploring heightened levels of pleasure. However, this secular practice lacks the experience of spiritual love, and the universal connection that is the point of the sacred practice of Red Tantra.  

Pink Tantra refers to a heart centered path of tantra that blends many of the elements of White Tantra (generally without the tendency to embrace a life of celibacy) with some aspects of Red Tantra (without the need for a full time Tantric Partner to practice with.) Within the path of Pink Tantra, all of the chakras are acknowledged. However, there seems to be an emphasis on the importance of the heart; opening the heart chakra and healing the heart. Compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for others and for our self are central themes to this practice. Pink Tantra teaches us to cultivate love without attachment, ownership or expectation. With Pink Tantra love is seen as the impetus for healing and transformation.  

Pink Tantra is a great path to follow if you are currently single, struggling with your current relationship, or for those who adopt a more open love style such as polyamory.  Pink Tantra provides techniques and practices to help you heal from past heartaches, to improve your overall feeling of an emotionally balanced life and to connect with your true self.  Pink Tantra recognizes the importance of polarity between masculine and feminine energy. Practicing Pink Tantra will often result in you attracting a good potential mate who complements and resonates with your energy.  If you are already in a love relationship, this practice will ideally deepen and strengthen your partnership.  If your relationship was struggling, you may experience a rekindling of an emotional and passionate connection with your partner. However, this practice encourages personal wholeness. Sometimes this practice will enable someone to leave a partner who is abusive, or otherwise keeping them from being an authentic expression of their true self.    

Black Tantra is a path of tantra that incorporates magic and is clouded in mystery. Sometimes Black Tantra is referred to as Dark Tantra. Some have compared this path of Tantra to the black magic of voodoo. Black Tantrikas are often feared in India. I suspect that there is a lot of misconception of this path because it is not practiced openly. The teachings are intentionally well guarded to protect it from being misused by those with less than pure intentions.  Black Tantra has not been widely or openly practiced in the US. One aspect of Black Tantra that has made an impression on our Western consciousness is Sex Magic, which is a little like practicing “The Secret” with the powerful addition of using sexual energy to manifest your intentions.  Integrity and discretion are extremely important to the successful practice of Black Tantra. Generally speaking, it is extremely difficult to find anyone willing to teach you the most powerful techniques of Black Tantra without undergoing a vigorous screening and initiation process.  Here in the US, as well as many parts of Europe, we tend to be very skeptical of anything magical, mystical or anything that cannot be explained by our current understanding of science. If this magical Tantra is what you are seeking, it is possible to find it if you persevere, and are willing to follow the protocols of your teacher, but it tends to be a lot harder to find than the other types of Tantra, and unfortunately easily confused with an entirely different form of Tantra with a similar name that I will describe next.

Dark Tantra is sometimes mistakenly called Black Tantra by those who are not aware that the term Black Tantra has already been taken. This alternative meaning refers to a fusion of a Tantric Sex and BDSM.  I believe this path has emerged in very recent times. My understanding is that "Dark Tantra" was "invented" here in Western culture, I believe by people who really had a very limited or perhaps no understanding of the original meaning of Dark or Black Tantra. Basically Dark Tantra seems to be a secular sexual practice that doesn't have much to do with the spiritual practices of Tantra. I have heard some argue that there is a spiritual aspect to this Dark Tantra. I can imagine that this could be true for some individuals who are on a path of exploring their "shadow" or seeking to sink deeper into trust and surrender, but based on conversations I have had with people who claim to be exploring Dark Tantra, I believe that it is more often practiced as a form of self expression and sexual exploration than for the purpose of spiritual enlightenment.  

My Tantric Path is an eclectic one.  However, when it comes to what I teach it appears to fit most closely into the category of Pink Tantra. I do use some aspects of White Tantra, such as meditation and breath-work. I also introduce the teachings of Red Tantra, particularly to the couples who come to see me. However, most of my clients are either single or married to partners who do not support or participate in their practice of Tantra. This limits my ability to teach Red Tantra as it was intended. I am familiar with the concepts of sex magic, and have taught some workshops about how to use sex magic to manifest our desires; however, I do not consider myself to be an authority on the subject of Black Tantra.

I incorporate some aspects of "sensation play" into my sessions; however, I would not characterize what I do as Dark Tantra either. I am in charge of the session as the goddess (healer and teacher) and expect to be treated with reverence; however, I am not a Dominatrix by any stretch of the imagination. I fully support people's right to choose a life style such as BDSM if that is what they are into, or to experiment with whatever aspects of BDSM appeals to them as a form of self expression or to spice up their love life. However, it is not really my personal hot button or mission to teach this Dark Path of Tantra.  

My modalities of choice are love and light which resonates well with the heart centered practice of Pink Tantra. If you would like to speak with me about incorporating Tantra into your life, either via a verbal life coaching session or a hands on healing Tantra session, please take a look at my website and contact me ASAP.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

A sexually savvy lover is always curious and open to learn new ways to make sex even better. For 3 fundamental ways to improve your sex life, read on...  

1. Make sex a priority. Let’s face it. Most of us have very busy lives. In order to get the important things done, like it or not, we really need to form a plan and follow a schedule. If we wait for the perfect moment before we do something, many times things just don’t happen… especially if it involves coordinating with another person. Sex is an extremely valuable part of our lives; for our overall health, happiness and emotional well being. It is also an import part of a healthy romantic partnership. Neglecting our sex life can have a devastating effect on our relationship with our partner and our entire life. So why don’t we spend a little more time thinking about what a vibrant healthy sex life would look like for us? Sharing fantasies and secret desires with your partner can be very intimate. Need some fresh new inspiration? Try reading a sexy book or watching a sexy movie together. Once you have a picture in mind of what really turns you on and what you would like to do, why not communicate and strategizing ways to make it happen? For information about a Love Life Coaching session with Goddess Jeanetta, over the phone or in person, click here.

2. Become sexually savvy. Sometime people are discouraged and resentful because they want to have sex, but their partner no longer does. There are many reasons why someone might lose interest is sex; some of them situational, emotional, or medical, in nature. If your partner has lost interest in having sex it is important to investigate why. For example, if vaginal dryness is making sex painful, perhaps using a generous amount of lubricant could make a world of difference. Sometimes people confide in me that the sex is just not satisfying or that their partner doesn’t show any interest in them or touch them unless they want sex. Your partner may really long for a deeper connection with you; creating an emotional as well as a sexual intimacy. However, it is hard to enjoy making love to someone who is insensitive to our emotional or physical needs, or only seems interested in their own pleasure. A sexually savvy lover is an attentive lover who takes the time to learn what turns their partner on and delights in their partner’s pleasure. If you desire to be a competent and attentive lover, you will make it a point to tune into the emotional and sexual needs of your partner. You will show interest in them, what they think and how they feel, and not just when you want to have sex with them. You will ask your partner how and where he or she would like to be touched and experiment with different techniques and sex positions. You will look into your partner’s eyes, kiss them passionately, notice the expressions on their face, listen to the words and sounds that come out of your partner’s mouth, as well as what their body language is saying. Most importantly, you will remember that sex is supposed to be fun. You will be playful, experimental and creative, treat sex as an adventure, and your partner as your dearest playmate and lover. A sexually savvy lover genuinely enjoys sex and is always curious and open to learn new ways to make sex even better.

3. Make a date. Some people resist the idea of carving out time specifically for sex, claiming that sex should just happen spontaneous. However, spontaneity is seriously over rated. People may assume they don’t need to make plans to be together because they live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, but all too often their sex life begins to suffer the moment they stop dating and start taking each other for granted. Making a date does many things to improve your odds of having quality sex on a regular basis. Making specific plans to be with our partner at a specific time helps us to mentally set everything else aside, and really focus on each other. Knowing that we have plans to be with our partner also allows us to prepare, build sexual excitement and anticipation as we look forward to our special “date”. Some of your dates may be romantic or fun dates where the point is to spend time together doing something that gets you and your partner out of the house, sharing an experience, and hopefully putting you both in a more playful mood. However, you should also make specific plans to stay in for some sexy time. Why not make a “sex date”? Put on some sexy lingerie, turn off the TV and your cell phones, light a candle, put on a little romantic music and spend some quality time making love. You may even spice it up now and then by going somewhere special for a sexual encounter with each other. A little weekend getaway or a rendezvous can go a long way to make you feel more romantic and passionate. Personally I think we can (and should) have a love affair with our partner.


How I became Goddess Jeanetta

Every now and then people ask me questions about my name. Those who know me personally or have heard me called by other names are especially prone to ask questions. I am aware that the evolution of my persona may be a bit confusing for some people. Today I am here to offer some clarification about some of the various over-lapping professional and personal hats I have worn, and to reveal how I became known as Goddess Jeanetta.
In certain lines of work it is a common occurrence to have a work name that is different from the name that was given at birth. Actors, musicians, and writers are among those who often have a stage name, a persona or a pen name that they go by. Tantrikas are also among the professions that tend to take on a persona for their work. Sometimes, people maintain more than one persona simultaneously, especially if they wear more than one professional hat. The process of finding the right name often evolves and changes as the individual artist develops and fine tunes their craft. Once an artist becomes well known, it becomes much more difficult to change their name. At some point a name emerges and takes hold to represent this entity in the hearts and minds of their fans or devotees.
In the past I was known as Reiki Angel, initially strictly for business purposes. I believe it was in 2003 that I first began using Reiki Angel as an advisor on Ingenio. At that time I was also working full time as a psychiatric case manager.  I noticed that many of the other advisers on this site created an advisor name that was obviously not their given name. Especially in light of the type of professional work I did, I did not want to use my real name or anything too close to my real name for this alternative healing. At first I offered remote Reiki healing and advice exclusively over the phone.  Next I started offering hands on reiki healing services, on a very limited basis during evenings and weekends. I was still working full time in the mental health field, so when I was in my role as a Reiki healer, I used the name Reiki Angel as my part-time energetic healing persona.
Over the next few years I went to Body Mind College to study massage and holistic health. Eventually I left my mental health job and expanded my energetic healing practice into a full time career that included not only reiki but massage as well. After a couple more years of further training and exploration, numerous tantric workshops and courses, I became a certified Tantric Healer and added Tantra as another healing modality into my practice.  Since my practice was no longer limited exclusively to Reiki, sometime in 2006 I began referring to my healing massage practice as Angels Touch. Although I no longer use the name Reiki Angel for my business, it remained as a nickname that still appears in some of the social networking places I use. I still offer remote reiki healing and advice over the phone through Ingenio. However, my advice is no longer limited to reiki. Today people most often call me for advice to improve their love life.  A couple years ago I changed my advisor name from Reiki Angel to Reiki Goddess. I made this subtle change to incorporate the divine tantric aspect of my practice, yet intentionally kept it similar to my original name in the hopes that my previous clients would be able to find and recognize me as the same advisor.
Goddess Jeanetta is an honorary tantric title that I have used within the tantra community in San Diego for several years, as well as for my online Tantric persona. I started using it shortly after I began offering Tantra as a healing modality in 2007.  I first began using this name when I was invited to post a profile as a goddess on a website that features Tantra teachers and providers. All of the women listed on this site were called goddesses and all the men were called gods. To start my listing on this particular site, I had a phone conversation with the site manager. She asked me what name I wanted to use for the listing. Although my initial intention was to simply use Jeanette, she miss heard me, and thought I said Jeanetta. She converted my name to Goddess Jeanetta for the listing. By simply adding the divine title of respect in front of my name, as was the practice for all of the sacred professionals on this site, Goddess Jeanetta was born. Although it started out as a mistake, I decide I liked the way Goddess Jeanetta rolled off the tongue, so I kept it.  Next I broadened the use of Goddess Jeanetta to my own website and other listings that I created specifically for Tantra. Next I started using this name for the Meet-up groups and workshops that I facilitated.  
As time went on, I recognized that I loved to write. I felt that using the written word was yet another way I could spread the message of love and transformational awareness. I started writing short stories and messages that I shared with my friends through an occasional post, blog or tweet. Encouraged by the response of my freinds, I decide to try my hand at being an author. I began writing a book, "Seven Secret of Sexual Savvy". My pen name that I adopted was Jeanetta Goddette; a play on the title Goddess Jeanetta, with the more conventional appearance and order of a first and last name.  I came up with this pen name in 2011 for the purpose of publishing books and professional blog writing. When I was contemplating what to pick as my pen name, I wanted there to be some continuity with my already emerging Goddess Jeanetta persona. I decided to keep Jeanetta as my first name, and set out to find a last name with God in it.  I contemplated Godfrey, Godchild, Godwin, Goddard, Godet and Goddette, and perhaps a few other God names. However, visually and vocally Goddette (spelled with two Ds and Ts) most resembled Goddess. I also did some on-line research to learn the meaning of Goddette, and I liked what I read. I got several different yet somewhat related interpretations. One reliable source indicated that this name is a respelling of the southern French surname Gaudet, from the root gaud, meaning "happy" or "lively", similar to the Latin gaudere which means "to rejoice".  Another source stated that this name dates back to the time when France was immersed in the Dark Ages. This name, from the Normandy region of France, was derived from the given name Gaudi which means "ruler".  Other sources indicated that this name means "favored of God" or "having god (or goddess) like qualities".
I selected this particular pen name because of its similarity to my already emerging tantric persona and because I like the way it sounds. I would love to be seen as a happy, lively goddess. All of the various mentioned possible meanings associated with the name Goddette sounded appealing to me. I do wish to inspire my readers to get in touch with their inner strength, and the divine god or goddess power that is within each of us. However, I think of myself as more of a healer and an inspirational muse, and less of a ruler. I am all about the love... honestly being some kind of condescending ruler; overly controlling, stern, punitive or iron fisted, just does not really resonate with me.  From time to time, I get contacted by someone who mistakenly thinks (or perhaps hopes) that I will offer some kind of discipline, or dominatrix service.  However, this is not the case. I do expect my clients to treat me with reverence. I do make a point to clarify the boundaries and what I expect from clients.  I do maintain control during my sessions as a Tantric teacher and guide.  However, this is where the similarities begin and end.  My sessions are never about ridicule or humiliation, and it is never my intention to test your limits to endure punishment or pain. My gift is in my ability to help people to relax, release old patterns, and open up to feel better about themselves. I prefer to teach how to tolerate more bliss and pleasure in our lives.
One thing is certain. I do have a lot to rejoice about in my life.  I am honored and humbled by the name Goddess Jeanetta, and hope to use my role to remind all women that they are goddesses, and all men that they are gods. Yes, we are flesh and blood human beings who make mistakes. We are mortal beings who are born, live an Earthy life, and eventually die. Yet on another level, I believe we are also divine beings of indestructible spirit and energy that in one form or another continues to exist.  We can literally participate in the miraculous creation of new life via procreation. We are created with the ability to shape and manifest our world every day in remarkably meaningful ways.  There is awe and wonder all around us. I recognize and I embrace this life with love and passion.
In the bible it says that we are created in the image of God. Whether or not we believe in the bible as the literal word of God, and regardless of whether we believe in creation or evolution, this statement still contains a profound truth. We possess a miraculous spark of life that gives us the potential to grow; physically, emotionally and spiritually. We have a capacity for living a life filled with a godlike love and compassion for our fellow human beings. It is humbling to remember that even the most annoying jerks among us were also created in the image of god. Some people have gotten so out of touch with their higher self that it is nearly unrecognizable.  Even if it is difficult to recognize, I believe god is present as a mirror or life lesson in every person we encounter.  We can reflect and radiate love and godliness once we embrace our inner divine self.  If we are in a relationship, especially when a challenge arises, we can also stop and remember that our partner is a god or goddess that we have the unique privilege to be in a relationship with.  When we remember that we are a divine creation we begin to treat ourselves and each other with love and reverence.
This is my mission as a Tantric teacher and healer to spread the word that we do not need to live a life of fear, deceit and shame. We can actually release fear and all the trauma, stress and disease it creates in our lives. We no longer need to be controlled by self doubt and disappointments from our past. We can live in the moment, in a state of love, gratitude and integrity. We can speak our truth with confidence. We can stop hiding who we really are. We can begin living our lives out loud. We can continue to make healthy choices from a place of love.  When we do this, our lives get better. The world actually becomes a better place.  I am here to remind you that there's nothing more attractive than a man or woman with a mission.  Share your passion!  Your enthusiasm may inspire those around you, and will likely double your magnetic appeal. Although Goddess Jeanetta is a title I humbly use to describe my Tantric healer persona, I also recognize that God created me as a goddess. He gave me a light to shine, and gifts to share. This is my reality. When I share this Tantric philosophy of love and life with those around me, I am Goddess Jeanetta.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

How to Communicat​e True Love

Perhaps there is someone new in your life. You want to let them know you are falling in love with them but not sure how. Maybe you have been seeing someone for a little while now. You realize that you are ready to deepen the bond or take things to a new level but you don’t want to screw it up. Perhaps there is someone special who has been in your life for a very long time. You are seeking fresh new ways to demonstrate your love and affection, but are drawing a blank. When it comes to communicating love, a generic one size fits all approach simply will not do. People respond best to a personal touch. If you want someone’s heart to melt, you need to show them that you listen to what they say, see who they are, notice what they like and pay attention to what matters most to them. Demonstrations of love are most affective when they are custom tailored to the individual.
The same core principle that applies to a new love, also hold true for a connection that has endured the test of time. I read something the other day that reminded me of an important point. We should never assume that our partner knows how we feel about them. Sometimes people appear to forget that we need to keep love fresh and alive. Perhaps they think that because they proclaimed their love once many years ago, and made a lifelong commitment to their partner, that until they say otherwise, that the on-going love is just implied. Some may believe they already are showing their love every day because they work hard to earn a living to support the family, provide a nice home, cook meals, keep the home running smoothly, and come home at night. These wonderful behaviors do go a long way to foster a sense of security and stability, but they may not be all we need to feel loved on a more personal level. It is part of our human nature to crave love and intimacy with our beloved.  We need to experience not only a physical connection but an emotional connection that is alive and ongoing.  Even the toughest, most independent, and self sufficient among us needs to feel loved every day. 
Sometimes we may think that it is all about the big grand gestures, and hold back from demonstrating our love until we can offer something spectacular.  Perhaps we are saving up our money for an expensive gift, waiting for the perfect moment or a special occasion to show our love. But I feel that this approach is an all too common mistake that overlooks the importance of the little day to day things. The point is to communicate love, not to showing off how grand we are.
There are simple little ways that we can show that we love our partners every single day. The good news is that most of them cost nothing and are not difficult. We can show our love with a passionate kiss on the way out the door, with a thoughtful gesture that brightens our partner’s day, with a kind word, a love note hidden in the lunch box, brief case or a short little romantic text during the day. We can make plans to do something together (preferably something that we know our partner would enjoy). Our partner will feel loved; especially when we do little things that show we are paying attention to our partner, and doing the things that what makes them light up.
The most important secret here is to figure out what our partner needs to feel loved.  A common mistake we make is simply to assume that our partner is just like us.  We are unique individuals.  We are not all wired in the exact same way.  There are many wonderful ways to express love and experience love.  How we naturally express love, and what makes us feel loved varies from person to person depending upon our personality.   
Relationships are living breathing things, a little like plants in a way. In order for a love relationship to germinate, grow, bloom and continue to flourish, we need to continue to care for it. Generally there is a magic combination of the right amount of sun, water and nutrients as well as the right type of soil to consider. In order to do a good job tending our love relationship, it is crucial to get to know more than a thing or two about this unique individual that is the object of our affection.  Even if you have never been much of a gardener, you probably are aware that different plants have different specific ways they need to be cared for to thrive. You can’t care for an African violet the same way you would treat a sun flower, and get the best possible results. So why should we assume that expressing love for a unique human being would be any simpler than taking care of a plant?   
Perhaps you really want to show your love, but don't know where to begin. You may have genuinely tried to show your love in the past, but have gotten shot down. It is discouraging when our efforts to show love get rejected, go unnoticed or under appreciated. It can be hard, even for the most romantic at heart, to continue the pursuit when their arrows of love seem to be missing the target. Sometimes we give up too quickly because we assume it is too hard to figure out how to give our partners what they need from us.  Don't lose heart. There may be a better way.
Perhaps it is time for an upgrade from gold to platinum. No, I am not talking about buying your partner expensive jewelry. I am talking about expanding our awareness of showing true love, not only following the principles of the “Golden rule” but adding the wisdom of the “Platinum rule” as well.  Most people have heard of the golden rule which advises us to treat others the way we would like others to treat us. I believe this is a good rule because it reminds us to step out of our potentially self-centered perspective.  To follow the Golden Rule, we must first notice that other people want to be treated well, just as we want to be treated well, and then take action by doing something loving.  The Platinum Rule takes this concept one stop further and advices us to treat others the way they like to be treated. This "rule" was initiated by Dr. Tony Alessandra, and is associated with the Jung Personality Traits. The basic theory is that there are four different personalities. If you can find out which one your partner is, then you can have a long lasting relationship with them.
Another concept that I think goes hand and hand with the Platinum Rule is to recognize our partner’s primary love language. According to Gary Chapman who wrote the book about this concept, there are 5 Love Languages; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. All five are valid ways of expressing and experiencing love, and we may enjoy all of them at times, but we all seem to have a favorite or primary way that makes us feel especially loved.  I think it is important to understanding both our own love language as well as our partner’s love language to effectively communicate and express love.
The bottom line, pay attention! Get to know your partner, how they experience love, and what makes them light up. The most effective expressions of love are ones that show you listen to what they say, see who they are, notice what they like and pay attention to what matters most to them. Once you are aware of how your partner likes to be treated, then you can communicate true love.