Old Wounds - Revisited #metoo

As a child I attended a Christian church with my family. As I grew older I did question some of the specific teachings, practices and beliefs. However, overall,  I believed that being a “Good Christian” meant being a “Good Person”; being kind, loving, accepting, patient and helpful to everyone I encountered and always trying to do the right thing… Just like the examples from the Bible of how Jesus treated all the people from various walks of life that he encountered with love and acceptance. I wanted to be like that. 

I also got the distinct message, from my parents and the church in general, that the church should be like an extension of the family… and that, for the most part, we should keep things within the family. Although we should be kind to “others” we should only trust members of our own faith. I was sent to Christian schools and encouraged to socialize with and eventually date only other Christians. My parents were not shy in expressing their strong preference that someday I should marry a nice Christian man who was a member of the same faith as we were. 

However, please let me clarify, this is not a story about the pros and cons of Religion or any particular Spiritual belief system. I am not about to launch into any kind of religious discussion or debate. I only am bringing up the church and my state of questioning to establish the context in which the events I’m about to share with you occurred. 

Although certain aspects of this story may sound a lot like it is yet another “ME TOO MOVEMENT” inspired story of sexual misconduct by an adult man in a position of power upon a young woman. However it is not my intention to “cancel” anyone, tarnish anyone’s reputation or cast blame, but perhaps to learn something of value. 

I have been carful not to mention any names. I share this story in hopes that we all can strive to be more compassionate in the way we treat one another. I share this in an effort to manifest healing, not only for myself but for the countless others out there who have experienced something similar.  This is my story about my own personal experience of being deeply disappointed and hurt be someone I trusted, not once but twice. 

It all began when I was only about 18 or perhaps 19 years old. I had recently graduated from high school and I was just beginning my college life. My relationship with my high school sweetheart had come to an end. I was still feeling a bit heart broken over that breakup, but I had picked myself up, dusted myself off and was trying to navigate the dating scene once again. 

There was a man from my home church who was often in the role of leading programs for children and teens. He was a very popular charismatic camp leader who volunteered his time and energy a few weeks during the summers to bring fun activities to the kids at a church sponsored summer camp. He also led the teen Sabbath school class at my church. I believe he was in his early to mid thirties at the time. He was married to a very lovely young woman, and had two young children. 

Naturally I was happy and a bit flattered when he seemed to take me under his wing. He told me he believed I had leadership potential. He encouraged me to get more involved in planning activities for the youth division of our church. 

We did start spending a bit more time together, but it was all totally innocent; talking, mostly about planning potential youth activities. However I did confide in him once about some boyfriend troubles I was having. I thought that as an older man who had recently navigated all this dating stuff and apparently successfully managed to get through it all, got married and start a family, he might have some useful advice and wisdom to pass on to me. He did seem to be sympathetic, and told me that he thought the guy was being an idiot… which of course I appreciated.  

When one day he suggested we meet up at a restaurant, I genuinely assumed it was to discuss church youth activities. Perhaps that was very naive of me, But I was still just a young inexperienced teenager! As it turns out, he had something else in mind. 

He began the conversation by singing my praises, complimenting me, and talking about all the qualities about me that he found so appealing and attractive. He talked about how foolish the young man, that I was interested in at the time, was for not seeing how extraordinary I was, and for not treating me better. He also mentioned that he knew how to treat a woman right. When he leaned in close to me, like he was about to kiss me, I put it together that he was trying to make a case for why HE would make a better boyfriend / lover for me than any of these immature idiotic young guys I had been trying to date.

Before anything really happened I pulled away. I was genuinely startled! I don’t remember my exact words, but I remember that I said NO! I turned down his advances very abruptly… without any hesitation. I noticed that he seemed to be quite surprised… and then really angry that I had turned him down. He looked at me like he couldn’t believe it. When he asked me why I agreed to meet with him, I told him that I thought we were meeting to talk about my role in youth leadership for the church. 

He laughed at me, with one of those sarcastic laughs, like he suddenly realized I was a stupid child, or thought perhaps I was joking.  I stated a bit more forcefully this time, that I really didn’t realize that he had any romantic interest in me. I also told him that I had no interest in dating him… I pointed out that he was not only much older than me, but that he was a married man… with young children… and that I had no interest in dating a married man! 

His whole demeanor and tone suddenly changed, as if I had tricked him. He started to, very loudly, say all kinds of mean hurtful things to me, accusing me of being a TEASE! He insinuated that I was the one who started this by flirting with him. He yelled at me that I wasn’t so innocent, that I HAD to have known why he invited me to meet him at that restaurant. 

His words stung… and I felt suddenly terrified when I saw the fire in his eyes. I also felt  embarrassed and stupid for not recognizing what was happening sooner, before I had agreed to meet with him. I had a flood of emotions at the time; including deep disappointment, hurt, disgusted, anger, shame, humiliation, horror… However, thankfully I kept calm and did what I believe was the right thing to do in that moment. I got up and walked away from him. I got into my car, heart pounding in my chest and drove away. 

I never spoke to that man again. I never returned to that church either… and eventually I decided that I didn’t want to be a member of any such church. I knew I felt betrayed that a man who was supposed to be a leader in the church, that I trusted and looked up to, had tried to engage me in something that was clearly wrong by any standards, and most definitely would be considered a “sin” by God and the church!  

I didn’t fully understand why this felt so much worse than times I had turning down unwanted sexual advance from someone my own age, until perhaps years later when I recognize the power differential. All I knew at the time was that I had looked up to him for advice and guidance as an elder of the church. I thought he saw my potential and wanted to help me, to mentor me. I thought our friendship was all aboveboard. But all that was crushed in an instant, and it left me feeling so dirty, so confused and insignificant when he turned our connection into something he tried to sexualize.  

I really didn’t believe this incident of him coming on to me, was actually my fault, but some of his words did get in to my head a little bit. I wondered, had I enjoyed his attention too much? Had I laughed at his jokes a bit to often? Had I sat to close to him when we talked? Had I unknowingly flirted with him… or led him on in some way? Was any small part of this my fault? But I know full well now… no… it was not. 

I didn’t tell anyone what had happened for awhile. I told myself it was because I didn’t think it was anyone’s business. I felt like it was perhaps all a stupid embarrassing “misunderstanding”.  I would tell myself, something could have happened, but thankfully nothing really did “happen” because I handled it! No big deal. However, in the back of my mind I knew I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. If I told my story, he would deny it. I know he was well respected man in the church and I was just a teenager… and female. Even at that young age I understood that women weren’t often taken as seriously as men. 

I eventually shared my story with two people that I thought I could trust. One was a young man who I originally met through the church. He had stopped attending church long before I stopped going. However, I knew he would know who the person I was talking about was. I was encouraged because it was clear that he believed me right away, and he assured me it wasn’t my fault or me who brought this on. He told me that he knew of a couple of other young women / teenagers that this same man had made sexual advances to. One of these young women was the sister of the young man I had shared this story with. 

A couple years later I told one more person. I ran into my old high school sweetheart and we struck up a conversation. We spent quite a bit of time catching up and hanging out that day. It seemed a little like old times, and as we spoke our conversation got a bit deeper and more serious. I’m not sure how the conversation came around to this particular topic, but we seemed to be opening up to one another about many things, and for some reason I thought it would be safe to open up about this particular experience, so I shared with him what had happened to me with this man from my church. But his reaction was not what I had expected. 

I knew that he knew who this man was, but I had kind of forgotten that he really looked up to this man. He was apparently a hero of his, his favorite camp counselor from way back to the days he worked at summer camp. He seemed very surprised that someone he admired would do such a horrible thing. He expressed shock, dismay and a bit of reluctance to believe this man could have done such a thing. But in the end, I trusted that he would believe me, because I was speaking the truth. I know it’s sometimes very hard to take when our heroes fall from Grace and turn out to be less than ideal humans. But In spite of all that, I had no reason to lie to him.  I thought this guy, my old high school sweetheart, would know I was telling the truth, because we knew and loved each other once. Well, I was wrong about that.

I thought he might actually empathize with my experience because this man from church had been someone I admired once as well. I thought he might understand how devastating it was to me… that perhaps he could put himself in my place.  Because this man was someone we both once thought so highly of, and looked up to. Yet he betrayed my trust. I thought he was mentoring me to be a youth leader, and suddenly he suggested that we have an affair. But apparently my old sweetheart, just couldn’t allow himself to believe me. 

Sadly his feelings of hero worship of this man seemed stronger than his feelings of trust and empathy for his old high school flame. He got kinda quiet and I wasn’t really sure what he was thinking… He never really said anything comforting or acknowledged my pain… we just dropped the subject and went our separate ways after that. 

Many years went by and I had nearly forgotten all about it, and the fact that I had shared the details of this humiliating experience with my ex… until I went to my 30 year class reunion. Remarkably it was a great turn out, and many of our classmates were there. My high school sweetheart was among those who turned out. 

For the most part everyone was behaving nicely, at least in the beginning. We tried to steer away from political discussions, and made it through most of the weekend politely avoiding any conflict around the hot topics of the time… until one evening when everything was winding down. It was the last night before heading home and many of us were informally gathered at the home of one of our classmates. He lived fairly near our old school. 

A discussion about a Supreme Court justice candidate who had been accused of sexual misconduct came up. Someone said they thought the women who accused him of raping her back in college, was lying. I expressed my opinion that I didn’t believe she was lying, and proceeds to explain why I believed her. Then in a horrifying moment the man who was once my high school sweetheart spoke up. He said something to the effect that sometimes women lie about stuff like that, possibly for attention or some other devious motive… then he proceeded to tell MY STORY, the one I had shared with him in confidence all those years ago. However he offered it up as an example of a woman lying, making up a story about a man making unwanted sexual advances! 

I was shocked, mortified and most of all I felt betrayed. This man who I had once loved, and shared something deeply personal with, in confidence, not only shared my story without my permission, embarrassing me in front of all our classmates by telling a very private story about me, but he actually accused me of lying! All I could do was to say yes, I did tell you that story, in confidence… and everything I told you was completely true. I pointed out that I never accused this man of raping me. However I did confide in him that this man who was at the time a married man in his thirties did come on to me, an 18 or 19 year old girl, suggesting that we should have an affair!!! He just shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t believe me… However the room fell awkwardly silent for a moment. Then someone changed the subject. 

I have long since forgiven the man who once betrayed my trust with an unwanted sexual advance. I hadn’t even given him a thought in years. I probably wouldn’t have thought of it now, even with the me too movement in full swing, had it not been for my old high school sweetheart bringing it up and accusing me of being one of those hysterical women who randomly accused men of sexual misconduct just for attention. 

I don’t know why he did what he did, or what was going on in his life that led him think that behavior would be ok. But, I had moved past it. So much of life has happened since then. I let it go. I don’t have the need to carry around any pain or resentment over something that happened years ago. 

As far as I know the man who came on to me all those years ago is still married to the same woman he was married to back then. I don’t envy her. I imagine she may know he strayed at times. I sincerely hope he found peace and happiness in his soul, and in his marriage. Although I do hope he didn’t go on to traumatize any more young woman… I don’t really know if there is anything I could have done better or differently to prevent that. 

Had I told anyone else what happened to me way back then would it have changed anything? I don’t really know, but I’m pretty sure it would have created a scandal in the church and upset a lot of people. I know in my heart that when this experience happened to me, I behaved with integrity. I stood up for myself. I told him NO. What he did, if he hasn’t pushed it deep down into a state of denial, he has to come to terms with. I is between him and his God now. My experience with him was in the past, and I am finished with it. He’s an old man now. If I saw him today, all I would feel towards him would be pity. 

However, I’m finding it a bit harder to forgive and forget about the betrayal of my former high school sweetheart. Strangely enough his actions hurt me more deeply than the actions of the creepy church man. I hope someday I have the opportunity to have another conversation with my old high school sweetheart to resolve this… but even if this day never comes, I do hope to come to the place where I can forgive him and let it go completely. Because I don’t need this icky feeling. 

I believe all people are capable of change and growth. We all have made mistakes. Although I do believe in holding ourselves accountable for mistakes, learning from them and making an effort, whenever possible to make things right. However I don’t think any of us should be judged to harshly for things we did many years ago. I believe in forgiveness. For ourselves as much as for the person we are forgiving.  Let’s give each other some grace and room to grow and change for the better. 

My suggestion, if anyone out there has unresolved issues with someone, and believes you may have (intentionally or unintentionally) hurt someone or treated someone wrong in some way, please make the effort to reach out and make amends. This could make a huge difference in someone’s life, and very possibly make a big difference in your own growth and healing process. Owning up to and making amends for our mistakes is a powerful and courageous thing to do. 

STRESSBUSTER TIPS

Many people experience an increase in stress around the Holidays. Here are some tips that I find useful. You might find them useful too.  BTW you may use these tips anytime of year. :) 

Tip # 1:  BREATHE

The fastest remedy for a stressful situation is to modify the simple task of Breathing. 

Stress causes shallow, fast paced, chest breathing -- which creates an anxiety (fight or flight) response in the body.  

You can reduce this by consciously taking three (3) deep, slow, belly breaths. 

Try it now! 

Notice how you are feeling in the moment, now take three deep, slow breaths, feel your belly fill as you inhale, feel it empty as you exhale, on the last breath let out an audible "SIGH".  Now, how do you feel?

Tip # 2:   MEDITATE

Meditation has been shown to quiet the mind, relax the body, reduce blood pressure and re-focus your concentration.

Try it now! 

Sit comfortably (hopefully in a quiet, uninterrupted space), do your Breathing Exercise, take three deep, full breaths, letting the last one out with a "sigh".  Let your eyes close, and bring your attention to your breath, simply observe the breath as it goes in and out, if your mind starts to wander to other thoughts, gently bring your attention back to the breath.  This is called Mindfulness Meditation, and can be done for as short as one minute to up to 20 min.  If you want to add a Mantra (sound) to the meditation, you can repeat silently in your mind the Sound of Breath, "So Hum". With each inhale think "So" and with each exhale "Hum" continue for 5-20 min. and see how calm, centered and focused the Meditation leaves you.

Tip # 3:   MOVE IT!

Sitting for too long at your desk is a major cause of aches and pains.  Get up and move your body, whether it is a walk to the restroom, or to refill your water bottle, or to just stand up and STRETCH, to go for a walk or a run at lunch, whatever you like to do, just do it.  Every hour if you can, put on an alarm that will remind you to take a movement break.  Movement keeps your circulation going, prevents edema in the feet and legs, lubricates the joints and relieves stiffness.

Try it now! 

Stand up, take in a big breath and raise your arms above your head, stretch towards the sky, now let them gently fall to your sides as you exhale.  Try it three times. 

Tip # 4:  COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

An attitude of Gratitude has been shown to relieve stress and alter negative or depressed thinking.  

Try it now!

Take out a piece of paper and write a quick Gratitude list for the year, add in all of your accomplishments, then a list of the people in your life that you are thankful for. Call or email one of those people right now and let them know how much you appreciate having them in your life.

Tip # 5: Take ME time!

The holidays are filled with giving, time, gifts, energy to others.  As you give, give, give, don't forget yourself.  Honor yourself with the gift of some down time, some ME time, some time to: Take a Hot Bath, Be in Nature, Take a Walk, Get a Massage, whatever it is that replenishes you.  If you don't take care of yourself, you will have nothing to give to others. Plan it, schedule it, block time for it.  DO IT NOW!

To schedule an appointment give me a call 916-342-1756. 

My Website:    http://goddessjeanetta.wix.com/angelstouchmassage

MOVING AGAIN! HELP WANTED.

Some of you may have already heard, but I need to move ASAP! I know I know, I just did this a little over a year ago... but I don't really have a choice because the management at my current location is not happy with me having so many guests over for healing treatments or other various events. 

I am relocation to a place where this will not be an issue; to a larger 2 bedroom apartment (just 1 and 1/2 miles away) and I am seeking some help with moving furniture and boxes. 

We will begin around 10 am at my current location, but even if you can not get here that early, we could use some help a little later on at the other end to unload the truck etc. so please give me a call if you are stopping by later and want to know where to find us. I will send the destination address information to those of you who RSVP. 

Please let me know if you are available for either Friday October 31st (to help me with packing up last minute stuff) or Saturday Nov. 1st. which is the main moving day to move furniture, boxes and stuff. I have a truck reserved. If you can help me out on moving day please RSVP.

PS: Temporarily I am using an alternate place for individual massage and healing treatments and will not personally be offering any more meetup events until I am settled in my new place. 

Check out my new website: http://goddessjeanetta.wix.com/angelstouchmassage

https://www.facebook.com/events/714192528668042/ 

Unpacking My RAT

Dear Friends, Family and Fans!

Now that my daughter is all grown up and has moved out with her beloved into their own apartment, I just wanted to lets you all know that I have moved as well!!! It was high time to down size my space and expenses. I got rid of soooo much stuff. This has been a gigantic purging ordeal for me. Packing up and moving my belongings was only a small fraction of the overall moving picture for me. The biggest part was that I really had to battle with the excess of stuff I had accumulated over the years. (I call this process "unpacking my rat"). After some internal struggles with the practice of non attachment, an exhausting amount of work sorting, selling several items, donating several more, and paying a huge bill to the hard working guys from 1 800 Got Junk for hauling away a little over 2 truck loads of "stuff"... as of the first of October, I have emerged victorious! My new location, for home and work, is in the University Heights / Hillcrest area of San Diego. I am "ALMOST" settled in... Still working on unpacking and trying to find places for all the things I kept, but I plan to have an apartment warming party for all my friends very soon. If you want to visit me, or schedule an appointment with me, please feel free to contact me. I am already seeing clients at my new location. 

With Love and Light, Jeanetta

http://goddessjeanette.moonfruit.com/

50 Shades of Tantra

Hoping to get your pulse racing, your kundalini rising, and your chakras spinning like tops? Not all Tantra is the same. Let’s start by exploring 5 paths of Tantra to get your aura started.  

I imagine that 50 shades is actually a modest estimation. This is increasingly true in this modern age, especially now that Tantra is becoming so popular here in the West. Tantra has been around for thousands of years and continues to evolve as Eastern philosophy meets Western psychology.  Allow me to guide you toward the shade of Tantra that suits you. I will describe 5 paths of Tantra.  Each path is represented by a color. Within these five tantric paths, there are easily 10 variations or shades of interpretation available, which would give you the proverbial 50 shades of Tantra.   

White Tantra is used to describe a spiritual path of Tantra which incorporates meditation, breath work, sounds and postures.  Although all of the major chakras or energy centers are recognized in this practice, it is the upper two chakras; the third eye and the crown chakra, which seem to get all the conscious attention.  These are the energy centers that connect with our intuition and spirituality.  In this culture we tend to equate Tantra with great sex. However, the white path doesn’t really focus on the physical act of sex at all! White Tantra is primarily a solo practice between you and spirit.  Although this is a solo practice, White Tantra does acknowledge relationships as having merit. The various people who come into our lives are said to provide us with a mirror to help us learn and grow.   

Personally, I define Tantra as more of a philosophy than a religion. However, I recognize that there are some people who practice Tantra religiously. Some forms of Tantra have become so intertwined with the beliefs of a specific religion such as; Hinduism, Taoism, or Buddhism that it is difficult to sort out where the religion ends and the Tantra begins.  Within the practice of White Tantra, sexual energy is often re-directed or channeled towards spiritual transformation, creative endeavors, healing, expanded awareness, and what some might refer to as enlightenment.  Sexual activity is not strictly “forbidden” by most of the White Tantra practices; however, quite often followers of White Tantra are influenced by religious teaching that value chastity, sexual abstinence or celibacy.

If you are an individual who is seeking a journey of spiritual enlightenment or a deeper connection with God or spirit, then perhaps white Tantra is for you. Kundalini yoga is a popular practice in this culture that is often categorized as White Tantra.  However, if your reason for exploring tantra is primarily in hopes of learning new ways to improve your sex life, you may be disappointed.   

Red Tantra is a path of Tantra best known for bringing us Tantric Sex. Red Tantra is primarily a practice that you do with your partner. The union between you and your beloved is seen as a form of god and goddess worship that creates not only a bond with your partner but a bridge or connection to the divine god and goddess. You and your partner embody the god and goddess, and when you come together to make love using Tantric Rituals, you join body, heart, mind and spirit. All of the chakras or energy centers of the body are involved in the connection. The intention is to create a piece of heaven on Earth that transcends the physical act of sex. By incorporating Tantric practice into your love life, you can reach not only higher levels of pleasure and connection, but a higher spiritual vibration as well.  

My understanding is that in India, Red Tantra was originally a highly advanced spiritual practice that was only taught to those who had achieved a level of mastery of the White Path of Tantra. Today there are secular forms of Red Tantra in the West that do not require followers to achieve any mastery. The focus of this more secular form of Tantra is primarily on exploring bliss, ecstasy, and all the pleasurable sensations you can achieve during love making. Tantric Sex is now something that couples may explore, with or without the original spiritual intent.  

Red Tantra is known for luxurious love making sessions that last for hours, ideally leading to multiple, full-body orgasms… with or without an ejaculation.  The more secular forms of Red Tantra focus on erotic and romantic love, activating mostly the lower chakras; the primal, sexual and sensual energies of the root and sacral chakras. However, without the spiritual component to the practice, the upper chakras do not receive as much attention. The sacred forms of Red Tantra lead to a sense of euphoric oneness not only with your partner, but with the universe and God. The more secular forms of Red Tantra encourage couples to spend lots of time making love and exploring heightened levels of pleasure. However, this secular practice lacks the experience of spiritual love, and the universal connection that is the point of the sacred practice of Red Tantra.  

Pink Tantra refers to a heart centered path of tantra that blends many of the elements of White Tantra (generally without the tendency to embrace a life of celibacy) with some aspects of Red Tantra (without the need for a full time Tantric Partner to practice with.) Within the path of Pink Tantra, all of the chakras are acknowledged. However, there seems to be an emphasis on the importance of the heart; opening the heart chakra and healing the heart. Compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for others and for our self are central themes to this practice. Pink Tantra teaches us to cultivate love without attachment, ownership or expectation. With Pink Tantra love is seen as the impetus for healing and transformation.  

Pink Tantra is a great path to follow if you are currently single, struggling with your current relationship, or for those who adopt a more open love style such as polyamory.  Pink Tantra provides techniques and practices to help you heal from past heartaches, to improve your overall feeling of an emotionally balanced life and to connect with your true self.  Pink Tantra recognizes the importance of polarity between masculine and feminine energy. Practicing Pink Tantra will often result in you attracting a good potential mate who complements and resonates with your energy.  If you are already in a love relationship, this practice will ideally deepen and strengthen your partnership.  If your relationship was struggling, you may experience a rekindling of an emotional and passionate connection with your partner. However, this practice encourages personal wholeness. Sometimes this practice will enable someone to leave a partner who is abusive, or otherwise keeping them from being an authentic expression of their true self.    

Black Tantra is a path of tantra that incorporates magic and is clouded in mystery. Sometimes Black Tantra is referred to as Dark Tantra. Some have compared this path of Tantra to the black magic of voodoo. Black Tantrikas are often feared in India. I suspect that there is a lot of misconception of this path because it is not practiced openly. The teachings are intentionally well guarded to protect it from being misused by those with less than pure intentions.  Black Tantra has not been widely or openly practiced in the US. One aspect of Black Tantra that has made an impression on our Western consciousness is Sex Magic, which is a little like practicing “The Secret” with the powerful addition of using sexual energy to manifest your intentions.  Integrity and discretion are extremely important to the successful practice of Black Tantra. Generally speaking, it is extremely difficult to find anyone willing to teach you the most powerful techniques of Black Tantra without undergoing a vigorous screening and initiation process.  Here in the US, as well as many parts of Europe, we tend to be very skeptical of anything magical, mystical or anything that cannot be explained by our current understanding of science. If this magical Tantra is what you are seeking, it is possible to find it if you persevere, and are willing to follow the protocols of your teacher, but it tends to be a lot harder to find than the other types of Tantra, and unfortunately easily confused with an entirely different form of Tantra with a similar name that I will describe next.

Dark Tantra is sometimes mistakenly called Black Tantra by those who are not aware that the term Black Tantra has already been taken. This alternative meaning refers to a fusion of a Tantric Sex and BDSM.  I believe this path has emerged in very recent times. My understanding is that "Dark Tantra" was "invented" here in Western culture, I believe by people who really had a very limited or perhaps no understanding of the original meaning of Dark or Black Tantra. Basically Dark Tantra seems to be a secular sexual practice that doesn't have much to do with the spiritual practices of Tantra. I have heard some argue that there is a spiritual aspect to this Dark Tantra. I can imagine that this could be true for some individuals who are on a path of exploring their "shadow" or seeking to sink deeper into trust and surrender, but based on conversations I have had with people who claim to be exploring Dark Tantra, I believe that it is more often practiced as a form of self expression and sexual exploration than for the purpose of spiritual enlightenment.  

My Tantric Path is an eclectic one.  However, when it comes to what I teach it appears to fit most closely into the category of Pink Tantra. I do use some aspects of White Tantra, such as meditation and breath-work. I also introduce the teachings of Red Tantra, particularly to the couples who come to see me. However, most of my clients are either single or married to partners who do not support or participate in their practice of Tantra. This limits my ability to teach Red Tantra as it was intended. I am familiar with the concepts of sex magic, and have taught some workshops about how to use sex magic to manifest our desires; however, I do not consider myself to be an authority on the subject of Black Tantra.

I incorporate some aspects of "sensation play" into my sessions; however, I would not characterize what I do as Dark Tantra either. I am in charge of the session as the goddess (healer and teacher) and expect to be treated with reverence; however, I am not a Dominatrix by any stretch of the imagination. I fully support people's right to choose a life style such as BDSM if that is what they are into, or to experiment with whatever aspects of BDSM appeals to them as a form of self expression or to spice up their love life. However, it is not really my personal hot button or mission to teach this Dark Path of Tantra.  

My modalities of choice are love and light which resonates well with the heart centered practice of Pink Tantra. If you would like to speak with me about incorporating Tantra into your life, either via a verbal life coaching session or a hands on healing Tantra session, please take a look at my website and contact me ASAP.

3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

A sexually savvy lover is always curious and open to learn new ways to make sex even better. For 3 fundamental ways to improve your sex life, read on...  

1. Make sex a priority. Let’s face it. Most of us have very busy lives. In order to get the important things done, like it or not, we really need to form a plan and follow a schedule. If we wait for the perfect moment before we do something, many times things just don’t happen… especially if it involves coordinating with another person. Sex is an extremely valuable part of our lives; for our overall health, happiness and emotional well being. It is also an import part of a healthy romantic partnership. Neglecting our sex life can have a devastating effect on our relationship with our partner and our entire life. So why don’t we spend a little more time thinking about what a vibrant healthy sex life would look like for us? Sharing fantasies and secret desires with your partner can be very intimate. Need some fresh new inspiration? Try reading a sexy book or watching a sexy movie together. Once you have a picture in mind of what really turns you on and what you would like to do, why not communicate and strategizing ways to make it happen? For information about a Love Life Coaching session with Goddess Jeanetta, over the phone or in person, click here.

2. Become sexually savvy. Sometime people are discouraged and resentful because they want to have sex, but their partner no longer does. There are many reasons why someone might lose interest is sex; some of them situational, emotional, or medical, in nature. If your partner has lost interest in having sex it is important to investigate why. For example, if vaginal dryness is making sex painful, perhaps using a generous amount of lubricant could make a world of difference. Sometimes people confide in me that the sex is just not satisfying or that their partner doesn’t show any interest in them or touch them unless they want sex. Your partner may really long for a deeper connection with you; creating an emotional as well as a sexual intimacy. However, it is hard to enjoy making love to someone who is insensitive to our emotional or physical needs, or only seems interested in their own pleasure. A sexually savvy lover is an attentive lover who takes the time to learn what turns their partner on and delights in their partner’s pleasure. If you desire to be a competent and attentive lover, you will make it a point to tune into the emotional and sexual needs of your partner. You will show interest in them, what they think and how they feel, and not just when you want to have sex with them. You will ask your partner how and where he or she would like to be touched and experiment with different techniques and sex positions. You will look into your partner’s eyes, kiss them passionately, notice the expressions on their face, listen to the words and sounds that come out of your partner’s mouth, as well as what their body language is saying. Most importantly, you will remember that sex is supposed to be fun. You will be playful, experimental and creative, treat sex as an adventure, and your partner as your dearest playmate and lover. A sexually savvy lover genuinely enjoys sex and is always curious and open to learn new ways to make sex even better.

3. Make a date. Some people resist the idea of carving out time specifically for sex, claiming that sex should just happen spontaneous. However, spontaneity is seriously over rated. People may assume they don’t need to make plans to be together because they live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, but all too often their sex life begins to suffer the moment they stop dating and start taking each other for granted. Making a date does many things to improve your odds of having quality sex on a regular basis. Making specific plans to be with our partner at a specific time helps us to mentally set everything else aside, and really focus on each other. Knowing that we have plans to be with our partner also allows us to prepare, build sexual excitement and anticipation as we look forward to our special “date”. Some of your dates may be romantic or fun dates where the point is to spend time together doing something that gets you and your partner out of the house, sharing an experience, and hopefully putting you both in a more playful mood. However, you should also make specific plans to stay in for some sexy time. Why not make a “sex date”? Put on some sexy lingerie, turn off the TV and your cell phones, light a candle, put on a little romantic music and spend some quality time making love. You may even spice it up now and then by going somewhere special for a sexual encounter with each other. A little weekend getaway or a rendezvous can go a long way to make you feel more romantic and passionate. Personally I think we can (and should) have a love affair with our partner.

For information about a Love Life Coaching session with Goddess Jeanetta, over the phone or in person, click here to see website.

 

How I became Goddess Jeanetta

Every now and then people ask me questions about my name. Those who know me personally or have heard me called by other names are especially prone to ask questions. I am aware that the evolution of my persona may be a bit confusing for some people. Today I am here to offer some clarification about some of the various over-lapping professional and personal hats I have worn, and to reveal how I became known as Goddess Jeanetta.

In certain lines of work it is a common occurrence to have a work name that is different from the name that was given at birth. Actors, musicians, and writers are among those who often have a stage name, a persona or a pen name that they go by. Tantrikas are also among the professions that tend to take on a persona for their work. Sometimes, people maintain more than one persona simultaneously, especially if they wear more than one professional hat. The process of finding the right name often evolves and changes as the individual artist develops and fine tunes their craft. Once an artist becomes well known, it becomes much more difficult to change their name. At some point a name emerges and takes hold to represent this entity in the hearts and minds of their fans or devotees.

In the past I was known as Reiki Angel, initially strictly for business purposes. I believe it was in 2003 that I first began using Reiki Angel as an advisor on Ingenio. At that time I was also working full time as a psychiatric case manager.  I noticed that many of the other advisers on this site created an advisor name that was obviously not their given name. Especially in light of the type of professional work I did, I did not want to use my real name or anything too close to my real name for this alternative healing. At first I offered remote Reiki healing and advice exclusively over the phone.  Next I started offering hands on reiki healing services, on a very limited basis during evenings and weekends. I was still working full time in the mental health field, so when I was in my role as a Reiki healer, I used the name Reiki Angel as my part-time energetic healing persona.

Over the next few years I went to Body Mind College to study massage and holistic health. Eventually I left my mental health job and expanded my energetic healing practice into a full time career that included not only reiki but massage as well. After a couple more years of further training and exploration, numerous tantric workshops and courses, I became a certified Tantric Healer and added Tantra as another healing modality into my practice.  Since my practice was no longer limited exclusively to Reiki, sometime in 2006 I began referring to my healing massage practice as Angels Touch. Although I no longer use the name Reiki Angel for my business, it remained as a nickname that still appears in some of the social networking places I use. I still offer remote reiki healing and advice over the phone through Ingenio. However, my advice is no longer limited to reiki. Today people most often call me for advice to improve their love life.  A couple years ago I changed my advisor name from Reiki Angel to Reiki Goddess. I made this subtle change to incorporate the divine tantric aspect of my practice, yet intentionally kept it similar to my original name in the hopes that my previous clients would be able to find and recognize me as the same advisor.

Goddess Jeanetta is an honorary tantric title that I have used within the tantra community in San Diego for several years, as well as for my online Tantric persona. I started using it shortly after I began offering Tantra as a healing modality in 2007.  I first began using this name when I was invited to post a profile as a goddess on a website that features Tantra teachers and providers. All of the women listed on this site were called goddesses and all the men were called gods. To start my listing on this particular site, I had a phone conversation with the site manager. She asked me what name I wanted to use for the listing. Although my initial intention was to simply use Jeanette, she miss heard me, and thought I said Jeanetta. She converted my name to Goddess Jeanetta for the listing. By simply adding the divine title of respect in front of my name, as was the practice for all of the sacred professionals on this site, Goddess Jeanetta was born. Although it started out as a mistake, I decide I liked the way Goddess Jeanetta rolled off the tongue, so I kept it.  Next I broadened the use of Goddess Jeanetta to my own website and other listings that I created specifically for Tantra. Next I started using this name for the Meet-up groups and workshops that I facilitated.  

As time went on, I recognized that I loved to write. I felt that using the written word was yet another way I could spread the message of love and transformational awareness. I started writing short stories and messages that I shared with my friends through an occasional post, blog or tweet. Encouraged by the response of my freinds, I decide to try my hand at being an author. I began writing a book, "Seven Secret of Sexual Savvy". My pen name that I adopted was Jeanetta Goddette; a play on the title Goddess Jeanetta, with the more conventional appearance and order of a first and last name.  I came up with this pen name in 2011 for the purpose of publishing books and professional blog writing. When I was contemplating what to pick as my pen name, I wanted there to be some continuity with my already emerging Goddess Jeanetta persona. I decided to keep Jeanetta as my first name, and set out to find a last name with God in it.  I contemplated Godfrey, Godchild, Godwin, Goddard, Godet and Goddette, and perhaps a few other God names. However, visually and vocally Goddette (spelled with two Ds and Ts) most resembled Goddess. I also did some on-line research to learn the meaning of Goddette, and I liked what I read. I got several different yet somewhat related interpretations. One reliable source indicated that this name is a respelling of the southern French surname Gaudet, from the root gaud, meaning "happy" or "lively", similar to the Latin gaudere which means "to rejoice".  Another source stated that this name dates back to the time when France was immersed in the Dark Ages. This name, from the Normandy region of France, was derived from the given name Gaudi which means "ruler".  Other sources indicated that this name means "favored of God" or "having god (or goddess) like qualities".

I selected this particular pen name because of its similarity to my already emerging tantric persona and because I like the way it sounds. I would love to be seen as a happy, lively goddess. All of the various mentioned possible meanings associated with the name Goddette sounded appealing to me. I do wish to inspire my readers to get in touch with their inner strength, and the divine god or goddess power that is within each of us. However, I think of myself as more of a healer and an inspirational muse, and less of a ruler. I am all about the love... honestly being some kind of condescending ruler; overly controlling, stern, punitive or iron fisted, just does not really resonate with me.  From time to time, I get contacted by someone who mistakenly thinks (or perhaps hopes) that I will offer some kind of discipline, or dominatrix service.  However, this is not the case. I do expect my clients to treat me with reverence. I do make a point to clarify the boundaries and what I expect from clients.  I do maintain control during my sessions as a Tantric teacher and guide.  However, this is where the similarities begin and end.  My sessions are never about ridicule or humiliation, and it is never my intention to test your limits to endure punishment or pain. My gift is in my ability to help people to relax, release old patterns, and open up to feel better about themselves. I prefer to teach how to tolerate more bliss and pleasure in our lives.

One thing is certain. I do have a lot to rejoice about in my life.  I am honored and humbled by the name Goddess Jeanetta, and hope to use my role to remind all women that they are goddesses, and all men that they are gods. Yes, we are flesh and blood human beings who make mistakes. We are mortal beings who are born, live an Earthy life, and eventually die. Yet on another level, I believe we are also divine beings of indestructible spirit and energy that in one form or another continues to exist.  We can literally participate in the miraculous creation of new life via procreation. We are created with the ability to shape and manifest our world every day in remarkably meaningful ways.  There is awe and wonder all around us. I recognize and I embrace this life with love and passion.

In the bible it says that we are created in the image of God. Whether or not we believe in the bible as the literal word of God, and regardless of whether we believe in creation or evolution, this statement still contains a profound truth. We possess a miraculous spark of life that gives us the potential to grow; physically, emotionally and spiritually. We have a capacity for living a life filled with a godlike love and compassion for our fellow human beings. It is humbling to remember that even the most annoying jerks among us were also created in the image of god. Some people have gotten so out of touch with their higher self that it is nearly unrecognizable.  Even if it is difficult to recognize, I believe god is present as a mirror or life lesson in every person we encounter.  We can reflect and radiate love and godliness once we embrace our inner divine self.  If we are in a relationship, especially when a challenge arises, we can also stop and remember that our partner is a god or goddess that we have the unique privilege to be in a relationship with.  When we remember that we are a divine creation we begin to treat ourselves and each other with love and reverence.

This is my mission as a Tantric teacher and healer to spread the word that we do not need to live a life of fear, deceit and shame. We can actually release fear and all the trauma, stress and disease it creates in our lives. We no longer need to be controlled by self doubt and disappointments from our past. We can live in the moment, in a state of love, gratitude and integrity. We can speak our truth with confidence. We can stop hiding who we really are. We can begin living our lives out loud. We can continue to make healthy choices from a place of love.  When we do this, our lives get better. The world actually becomes a better place.  I am here to remind you that there's nothing more attractive than a man or woman with a mission.  Share your passion!  Your enthusiasm may inspire those around you, and will likely double your magnetic appeal. Although Goddess Jeanetta is a title I humbly use to describe my Tantric healer persona, I also recognize that God created me as a goddess. He gave me a light to shine, and gifts to share. This is my reality. When I share this Tantric philosophy of love and life with those around me, I am Goddess Jeanetta.