How to Communicat​e True Love

Perhaps there is someone new in your life. You want to let them know you are falling in love with them but not sure how. Maybe you have been seeing someone for a little while now. You realize that you are ready to deepen the bond or take things to a new level but you don’t want to screw it up. Perhaps there is someone special who has been in your life for a very long time. You are seeking fresh new ways to demonstrate your love and affection, but are drawing a blank. When it comes to communicating love, a generic one size fits all approach simply will not do. People respond best to a personal touch. If you want someone’s heart to melt, you need to show them that you listen to what they say, see who they are, notice what they like and pay attention to what matters most to them. Demonstrations of love are most affective when they are custom tailored to the individual.

The same core principle that applies to a new love, also hold true for a connection that has endured the test of time. I read something the other day that reminded me of an important point. We should never assume that our partner knows how we feel about them. Sometimes people appear to forget that we need to keep love fresh and alive. Perhaps they think that because they proclaimed their love once many years ago, and made a lifelong commitment to their partner, that until they say otherwise, that the on-going love is just implied. Some may believe they already are showing their love every day because they work hard to earn a living to support the family, provide a nice home, cook meals, keep the home running smoothly, and come home at night. These wonderful behaviors do go a long way to foster a sense of security and stability, but they may not be all we need to feel loved on a more personal level. It is part of our human nature to crave love and intimacy with our beloved.  We need to experience not only a physical connection but an emotional connection that is alive and ongoing.  Even the toughest, most independent, and self sufficient among us needs to feel loved every day. 

Sometimes we may think that it is all about the big grand gestures, and hold back from demonstrating our love until we can offer something spectacular.  Perhaps we are saving up our money for an expensive gift, waiting for the perfect moment or a special occasion to show our love. But I feel that this approach is an all too common mistake that overlooks the importance of the little day to day things. The point is to communicate love, not to showing off how grand we are.

There are simple little ways that we can show that we love our partners every single day. The good news is that most of them cost nothing and are not difficult. We can show our love with a passionate kiss on the way out the door, with a thoughtful gesture that brightens our partner’s day, with a kind word, a love note hidden in the lunch box, brief case or a short little romantic text during the day. We can make plans to do something together (preferably something that we know our partner would enjoy). Our partner will feel loved; especially when we do little things that show we are paying attention to our partner, and doing the things that what makes them light up.

The most important secret here is to figure out what our partner needs to feel loved.  A common mistake we make is simply to assume that our partner is just like us.  We are unique individuals.  We are not all wired in the exact same way.  There are many wonderful ways to express love and experience love.  How we naturally express love, and what makes us feel loved varies from person to person depending upon our personality.   

Relationships are living breathing things, a little like plants in a way. In order for a love relationship to germinate, grow, bloom and continue to flourish, we need to continue to care for it. Generally there is a magic combination of the right amount of sun, water and nutrients as well as the right type of soil to consider. In order to do a good job tending our love relationship, it is crucial to get to know more than a thing or two about this unique individual that is the object of our affection.  Even if you have never been much of a gardener, you probably are aware that different plants have different specific ways they need to be cared for to thrive. You can’t care for an African violet the same way you would treat a sun flower, and get the best possible results. So why should we assume that expressing love for a unique human being would be any simpler than taking care of a plant?   

Perhaps you really want to show your love, but don't know where to begin. You may have genuinely tried to show your love in the past, but have gotten shot down. It is discouraging when our efforts to show love get rejected, go unnoticed or under appreciated. It can be hard, even for the most romantic at heart, to continue the pursuit when their arrows of love seem to be missing the target. Sometimes we give up too quickly because we assume it is too hard to figure out how to give our partners what they need from us.  Don't lose heart. There may be a better way.

Perhaps it is time for an upgrade from gold to platinum. No, I am not talking about buying your partner expensive jewelry. I am talking about expanding our awareness of showing true love, not only following the principles of the “Golden rule” but adding the wisdom of the “Platinum rule” as well.  Most people have heard of the golden rule which advises us to treat others the way we would like others to treat us. I believe this is a good rule because it reminds us to step out of our potentially self-centered perspective.  To follow the Golden Rule, we must first notice that other people want to be treated well, just as we want to be treated well, and then take action by doing something loving.  The Platinum Rule takes this concept one stop further and advices us to treat others the way they like to be treated. This "rule" was initiated by Dr. Tony Alessandra, and is associated with the Jung Personality Traits. The basic theory is that there are four different personalities. If you can find out which one your partner is, then you can have a long lasting relationship with them.

Another concept that I think goes hand and hand with the Platinum Rule is to recognize our partner’s primary love language. According to Gary Chapman who wrote the book about this concept, there are 5 Love Languages; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. All five are valid ways of expressing and experiencing love, and we may enjoy all of them at times, but we all seem to have a favorite or primary way that makes us feel especially loved.  I think it is important to understanding both our own love language as well as our partner’s love language to effectively communicate and express love.

The bottom line, pay attention! Get to know your partner, how they experience love, and what makes them light up. The most effective expressions of love are ones that show you listen to what they say, see who they are, notice what they like and pay attention to what matters most to them. Once you are aware of how your partner likes to be treated, then you can communicate true love.

 

Simple Sensual Massage Secrets for Sweethearts

If you have a sweetheart, you are most likely acutely aware that the most romantic of holidays is just around the corner. Valentine's Day is THE holiday for couples to celebrate and express romantic love to one another. Perhaps you are already thinking about what you would like to try this year to make this an especially romantic day. If you are seeking to offer something more personal and intimate than a store bought Valentine's Day card, a banquette of flowers or chocolate candies in a heart shaped box, perhaps offering a delightfully pampering sensual massage experience would ignite your lover's heart and passion. You may wish to simply treat your sweetheart this time around, or perhaps suggest that you both take a turns pampering each other.  

For many lovers touch is a significant way to demonstrate and communicate love. Every one of us actually needs touch for our health and emotional well being. It's good for our circulation, our nervous system, helps us to relax and unwind. Most of all, it can make us feel loved. It potentially enhances the intimate connection we share with our partner. If you really want to offer your partner something out of the ordinary, a truly pampering sensual massage, this should involve a bit more than simply slathering your partner with some oil or lotion for a few minutes. Very slow, conscious touch is the best.

A sensual massage is an art. Like most art forms, you want to communicate something with your art. It is most meaningful when the art comes from the heart, but without the right materials to work with and some basic awareness of what techniques to use to get the effect you want, your art will fall short of your vision. You may be wondering, “Where should I begin?” I am ready to offer you some simple secret DOs and DON’Ts that if implemented, could take your Valentine’s Day sensual massage from ordinary to extraordinary!

Setting the Stage

DO put some thought into the details before the massage begins.  When preparing to give a sensual massage, it is important to keep in mind that the intention is to pamper your partner by delighting all the senses, and giving them an exquisite experience of pleasure. Naturally the sense of touch has center stage in a sensual massage, but we should not forget about the rest of the senses. You are certainly not here to offer your partner a detached, mechanical or clinical treatment. This is very personal. When orchestrating this experience, take what you know about your partner’s likes and dislikes into consideration. You should also consider the timing. Ideally, going into the massage, you should not be either too full or too hungry.  Although I do not recommend timing the massage to immediately follow a heavy meal, a light tasty snack before your massage might be a splendid idea. This will offer some pleasure to the taste buds and provide energy to sustain you through the massage.  Perhaps you could select some sensual finger type foods, preferably something that you know your partner likes, that you could feed to each other.  

DO keep the temperature comfortable. I recommend keeping the room a bit on the warm side; perhaps around 75 or 76 degrees or so. You want it to be warm enough for the recipient to be totally comfortable when uncovered (nude). The best way to know for sure is to ask the recipient if it is warm enough, and if not, turn up the heat until it is. If the room you are using tends to get cold or drafty, you may want to have a space heater in the room with you. You simply want to plan ahead so that you can easily adjust the temperature as necessary to make it pleasantly warm and toasty, yet not too hot. Keep in mind that when it is warm enough for the recipient, it may possibly feel a bit too warm to the one giving the massage, because whoever is giving the massage will be exerting more energy, so be careful not to drip sweat onto your partner.  Keep an extra hand towel handy in case you need to wipe your brow.

DO pay attention to the ambiance. I love doing a sensual massage in a room with a fireplace. A fire adds to the ambiance, as well as the overall feeling of warmth. Remember, we want to delight the senses. If a fireplace is not available, then perhaps light a candle or two. Candles are a very nice touch to provide a subtle indirect form of lighting. Harsh bright overhead lights are not desirable in the massage setting, because they detract from relaxation and are not very flattering either, but fire light actually adds to the feeling of warmth and romance.  Plus you can use scented candles to add a delightful aroma.

Personally I think a little background music is a very nice idea. The right selection of music can help you both you and your partner to feel more relaxed, it can add a lot to the mood and ambiance. It may also help you to slow down and pace yourself well to glide through the massage. So, indulge your sense of hearing in a subtle way with some well chosen music. Select something that is relaxing, and enhances the romantic mood. Ideally you want the music to be something that is a nice soothing back ground for the massage, so nothing too loud, too fast or over-bearing.

DO provide a comfortable place for your partner to receive the massage.  Will you be using a massage table, spreading a soft blanket on the floor, or perhaps using a bed? If you have a massage table available, I would recommend using it. For one thing, using a real massage table communicates that you intend to treat your partner to a real luxurious massage, not simply 5 minutes of a half hearted rub down. Also, most massage tables are adjustable, so you can set it at a height that feels good for you, as well as making your partner comfortable. However, if a massage table is not an option, then go the extra mile to make the best use of the space available to communicate that something out of the ordinary is about to happen. Perhaps you could even sprinkle some flower petals around the area, or form them in the shape of a heart. If you are using the floor, make sure there is enough padding underneath you and your partner; perhaps a couple of thick blankets, quilts and a pillow or two. Cover the area you will be using with sheets, and have a towel handy. If you are using the bed, I also recommend that you spread an extra sheet right over the top of the covers. The idea is to make it comfortable, clean and inviting. You also want to be sure you are giving this massage on something that is washable. You do not want to taint this experience with the worry of possibly ruining an expensive rug or messing up the bed you intend to sleep in by spilled oil all over it.

DON'T allow distractions into the environment. You don't want to be interrupted or distracted.  I recommend turning off the ringer to your phones; cell phones and landlines. Allow voice mail to provide a real service. If you have young children, plan ahead and get a sitter. Make sure the room is visually pleasing, devoid of any clutter or unfinished projects. You don't want to be distracted by thoughts of stuff that needs to be finished or things you could potentially trip over. Turn off the TV and, as much as possible, eliminate potential distraction; unpleasant sights, sounds and smells… anything that might take your minds away from the pleasure of the moment. You want the massage and the special time you are sharing with your partner to be where all the focus goes.

Making a Connection

DO keep in mind the goal of creating an experience of bliss and sensual delight. You are going to use touch to communicate tender, romantic feelings and create an intimate connection with your partner. The little details can make a really big difference. Where will this massage be taking place and how you will prepare the area? Think about what room will you be using; what you want to have in the room with you, as well as what you want to make sure is not in the room with you. Whether or not you have had any massage or bodywork training is not as important as your ability to tune in to pleasure; your partner’s pleasure as well as your own pleasure. Remain present, and notice what your beloved responds too. Today you are setting out to be a touch artist, to communicate in the language of love. Beginning with the very first touch, you want to make a connection. Set out to not only massage your partner's body, but to touch their soul.

DO use oil, or other massage product of your choice.  Personally I think that using oil, as opposed to giving a dry massage, adds a great deal to the sensory pleasure of the massage.  How you apply the oil makes a world of difference. How much should be used?  To some extent, the amount of oil used may be a matter of personal preference. Personally I prefer not to over use the oil when giving a sensual massage. I want my partner to feel my touch and the sensation of my skin and warmth against their skin, not just the sensation of oil dripping down their sides. If you are not sure how much to use, I recommend using just enough oil to create a nice glide, but no more. However, I am aware that some people may really like the "slippery seal" sensation of lots of oil. If this is the case, then I recommend using sheets you don't mind getting completely oily, and perhaps a plastic drop cloth underneath. Also, have plenty of towels handy to wipe off with when you are done.

What type of oil should be used? I recommend using an oil or some another product such as lotion or gel that was designed specifically for massage. However, there are also some all natural types of oil that you might use that you could also cook or bake with, such as coconut, grape seed or sweet almond oil. If you would like to indulge your sense of smell, then consider using oil that is infused with a little bit of naturally aromatic essential oil like lavender. I like to use oil that can be safely ingested and has a pleasant taste, especially because "kissing" may be involved, but also because our skin absorbs what we put on it and it gets into our system even if we do not eat it.

DON'T use baby oil. It tends to be too slick, overly shiny and sits on the surface of your skin. However, there is an even bigger reason to avoid it. Baby oil smells like… well… babies.  Our sense of smell is particularly linked to memory. This scent may be unconsciously linked with memories of taking care for young children, especially if you are a parent, ever baby sat, or helped to care for your younger siblings. The intention here is to create a relaxing, intimate, adult type of sensory experience, not to trigger anxious memories of sleepless nights changing diapers. Also void using heavily perfumed oil that could potentially irritate sensitive areas. You want to be able to safely explore your lover’s entire body seamlessly, without concerned over getting any of the wrong type of product in the wrong places. So use something that can be safely used anywhere on the body, even the most delicate parts, without irritation. Having to stop, wash your hands and change products is just not sexy or spontaneous. Be especially careful not to use anything that includes an ingredient your partner is allergic too. Please, never pour cold oil directly onto your partner's body!

DO apply the oil to your own hands first, and warm up the oil. You can use a special oil warming device if you happen to have one, however, if you are warming the oil this way be careful that you do not make it too hot. Burns are not what we are going for here. Another way to go is to simply rub your hands together vigorously to create some friction. This will increase the circulation to your hands, simultaneously warming up your hands and the oil, before you glide your hands over your partner's body. Thoughtfully apply your hands and the pre-warmed oil to your partner’s skin through your touch. Generally a little oil goes a long way. However, you may need to reapply the oil to your hands if you notice that your hands are no longer gliding smoothly, or when you get to a new area of the body. The idea is to keep a nice smooth sensual glide going with a minimal amount of oil.

DO pay attention to your posture and body alignment.  Remember that you are not only allowed to enjoy giving this massage, it is a much better experience for both you and your partner if you do. However, you can’t really enjoy it if you are in pain. Take a deep breath, make sure your body is relaxed and that you have a secure stance with your feet. I like to stand with one foot in front on me and one foot behind me, so I can rock or glide back and forth smoothly as if doing a dance during the massage.  Bend your knees, and use your legs to power the movement. If you notice that your back is starting to hurt, or your neck is getting tired, stop and reposition yourself. If you are not comfortable while giving the massage, the quality of the massage will suffer. Be sure to have at least a general plan of how long you want to make this massage last at the beginning of the massage, so that you can pace yourself accordingly, but be flexible enough to modify that plan if need be. You want to send some loving touch into every part of your partner’s body, and you want your energy to be able to last until the end.  

Do the massage very slowly. The first touch is very important for setting the tone, so make sure your partner is ready. Then slowly, lovingly lower your hands to make contact. I recommend holding that initial contact for a moment before you proceed with a very slow and conscious stroke. Most people have a tendency to move way to fast, especially when they are first learning how to give a sensual massage. Remember this is not a race or a sports massage. You are making love to your partner through touch. Glide over your partner’s body slowly, enjoying every curve and detail. Allowing your partner to respond to the sensation of your touch, and pay attention to your partner’s subtle responses. Notice how your partner is breathing, and if you can feel the tension melt away.  Pay attention to your partner’s body language, facial expressions and sounds. Notice if you can feel your beloved relaxing into your touch and letting go. It may help for you to think of the massage as being a little bit like a slow romantic dance.    

DO add some variety to your touch. A little repetition is alright. You do want to create a relaxing continuous feeling of touch that feels fluid and connected. However, you certainly don't want it to get boring. Personally I prefer to mix it up a bit. When I am giving a sensual massage I like to vary the type and quality of strokes to keep it interesting. I might use some deep and connected strokes using my whole hand, particularly on areas of the body that respond well to pressure, like the back and shoulders, even leaning in at times to add some weight and pressure with my body, and then follow it up with some feather light touch, just using my finger tips or very lightly scratching my nails to send delightful chills up my lover’s spine. Experiment with the quality and type of touch and really notice what your partner responds to favorably. Of course when you find a stroke that gets a particularly good response from your partner, you may want to repeat that one, or come back to it often.

DO have a plan for the sequence of your massage. You want to massage as much of your partner’s body as possible, and leave them with a feeling of being balanced and thoroughly pampered.  I suggest that you begin by asking your partner lie face down, so that you can massage the back side of their body first. Perhaps start with the area between the shoulders. Imagine that you are not only relaxing the tension out of your partner’s body, but that you are opening up your partner’s heart, from the back. Then slowly work your way down the back. Give some loving attention to your partner’s lower back and buttocks. At this point you may wish to reposition yourself at your partner’s feet. Don’t underestimate the potential sensuality of a good massage to the feet and toes. Start with one foot, and then slowly work your way up the leg, massaging up to and including the buttock. Then go to the other foot and do in all again on the other side. I realize that this sequence will have you massaging the buttocks twice, once from above and once from below, but I believe that the derriere is worthy of this double attention.  Keep in mind that you are slowly working your way to the middle of the body.

DON’T be in a rush to get overly sexual to soon. The whole massage should be sensual, and playful, but not overly aggressive, and never rushed. You don’t want to skip over parts or get ahead of yourself. Remember your plan. You want the pleasure and anticipation to build slowly and steadily. Also, keep in mind that it just doesn’t feel right if you massage one side of the body a lot more than the other, or forget to massage one foot or leg all together. Do the best you can to distribute your attention well. I suggest thinking of a sensual massage as a slow tease… not as a swift attack.

DO ask your partner to turn over, once you are done with the back side. Now that your partner is face up, make eye contact. Remember that the intention of a sensual massage is pleasure. Slow, conscious touch is the best approach. Take your time and tune into your partner's rhythm. Massage your partner’s hands, arms, shoulders and chest. Gently massage your partner’s belly. Breathe with them and look into their eyes. Before you are tempted to skip ahead, remember to massage the front of the legs, and pay some luxurious attention to the inner thighs. Stay on course with your plan to get to everything. However, you can pick up the pace and move things along faster, if you get a clear signal from your partner that they are really ready for you to do so. Slowly work your way to your partner’s most juicy bits. Then, if you and your partner are ready to take things in a more erotic direction, lovingly massage your partner’s genitals. Remember to start lightly and slowly, teasing, and building the intensity. Check in with your partner frequently, to be sure that you are getting the right spots, and using the right amount of pressure.

How you conclude this massage is up to the two of you. You may choose to continue the massage with your touch, or perhaps orally pleasure your partner to an explosive completion. However, you may want to stop the massage at the point of blissful arousal, and save some of the energy and fireworks to shift into love making mode. One thing I’d like to suggest, if you opt to take the sensual massage to completion, than consider continuing to massage for your partner beyond the big crescendo. Go back up to your partner’s neck, face, and head. Gently massage these areas as your partner relaxes blissfully. Finally, give your partner a tender kiss on the forehead when the massage is done. Whatever you do, be sure to communicate, smile, laugh together and have fun. 

 

Rejection or Blessing in Disguise?

Rejection? Ouch!!! There is no point in trying to pretend that any one of us is immune from the sting.  Rejection can feel unpleasant, embarrassing, awkward and at times, completely devastating. It may crush our self-esteem or take us down a mental road of self-doubt, criticism and blame. Even for the most outwardly confident and self assured among us, it simply is not fun to feel rejected. In fact a sad truth is that very often the fear of rejection is what stops us from reaching our potential or going for what we really want in life. I have known people, who generally seem completely suave and confident, lose their nerve when it comes to approaching that one special person who really rocks their world. Perhaps the fear of rejection has stopped you from going for your dreams, applying for your dream job, or asking for other things that you really want.

Many of us have to wrestle with this potential "demon" on a regular basis. Some careers, like mine for example, are especially prone to challenge us in regard to how we deal with rejection.  If you are a service provider, an artist, a performer, in business for yourself, or in any line of work that involves selling a product or a service, then you probably know exactly what I am talking about. Today I am prepared to be transparent as I share with you a personal story of rejection, in the hopes that this may inspire you to perceive any potential rejection that comes your way in a better light; with a measure of grace, humor, and perhaps even some optimism. Yes, I know it may be hard to believe, but even "goddesses" have to deal with rejection, from time to time.

I think it is just human nature to want to be liked. We want to put our best face forward when we are meeting someone new. Especially if we are getting ready to go on a job interview, or perhaps meeting someone from an online dating site for coffee, which is a lot like a job interview if you think about it. Then if the coffee date goes well... who knows, maybe a "real" date.  I know that as a woman, getting ready to go on a first date with someone we think may be special is a really big deal. It might even involve shopping. We want to pick out the perfect outfit to accentuate our best features, and get our hair, nails and makeup just right. It can be a whole ritual that takes a few hours; trying on different outfits, figuring out just how to wear our hair; up, down, pulled back, falling softly around the face, curly, straight...  Although the typical man may not spend quite as much time as the typical woman, I imagine most thoughtful men put some time and effort into how they groom and dress themselves for an important first impression as well, and I think we all appreciate this extra effort. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to look our best, and being on our best behavior. First impressions can be lasting and crucial! On the other hand, pretending to be someone we are not, or creating a fake personality is never a good plan.

If you have ever tried Internet dating, you may wonder if all common sense has been lost. Perhaps you have noticed that not everyone adopts a policy of honest self portrayal, which is really silly, if you hope to get past a first meet and greet with anyone. Are people simply in denial? Have they been avoiding looking directly into a mirror ever since they left high school? In their own distorted minds perhaps they still look and feel just like they did 10 or 15 years ago, or before they gained all those pounds. But I think mostly people just don't think far enough into the future when they choose a plan of action that involves misrepresentation.

This shortsightedness goes beyond using outdated pictures. In an effort to appear more interesting and exciting, people will sometimes make up phony careers or describe themselves as athletic when in reality they just like to watch sports on TV. People sometimes fain an interest in hobbies or activities that they don't really care anything about, all just to impress whomever they are meeting.  Even if it works at first, it will only lead to many more hours of having to fake it, until some point when you just can't take it any more, and either little by little or all at once, the truth comes out. The only really sane behavior is to be authentic and honest right from the beginning, even before a first date.

We need to be honest with ourselves first, and remember that what we really want and need is to attract people into our lives who will love and appreciate the real us, just as we are. Being really authentic often takes some practice and a healthy does of self confidence. However, once you get the hang of it, I believe you will notice that it really cuts out a lot of potential heartache and rejection. It also really helps you to attract like minded people who value the same things you do. However, even authentic gods and goddesses will experience rejection, at least every now and then, because this is part of real life. People will disappoint us at times, no matter what we do. We should not blame ourselves every time someone doesn't call or doesn't show up when they promised they would. Not everyone we interact with will be as evolved, clear and honest as we would like. Sometimes people just lie to save face, change their mind, or don't really know what they want to begin with.

Often times what we first may interpret as a rejection, is really dodging a bullet. I prefer a clear "no" over a disingenuous "yes" or a wishy washy "maybe" any day.  The clear "no" doesn't waste my time. It frees me up to move forward, to be open to take advantage of an other opportunity right away, or to connect with someone who may be a much better fit. This has been my experience many times in my life, both personally and professionally.  In fact just this week I had such an experience. I will tell you about a wonderful example of what first appeared to be a rejection, but later turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I believe that these principles of authenticity should not only be applied to dating and romantic relationships, but to our professional lives as well. If the service being offered is not accurately described, or the provider has misrepresented themselves in some way, naturally this will not lead to happy customers or repeat business.  Because I value authenticity, and recognize its value for reducing the frequency of rejection, I have made an effort to include recent photographs of myself on my website. Of course, like most people, I want to put my best face forward. I select pictures that I think are flattering, wearing colors that look good on me, showing a warm inviting smile on my face, yet hopefully these pictures are an accurate representation of what I look like today. I do not wish to create an unrealistic expectation that I am some kind of twenty year old super model. I would rather have my clients arrive for a session with an idea of who to expect, and be happy to recognize me as the woman they saw in the photos.

If you have taken the time to read the content of this blog or my website then I trust you see that I share who I am, as well as my overall healing philosophy quite openly. I have filled this blog with heartfelt content. My intention is to share quality information, and to extend good faith to my potential clients by modeling the kind of open communication I would like from them. I have done all this quite intentionally to attract the type of clients that want and need the healing services I offer, and to help weed out those who would not be happy with who I am or what I am offering. My etiquette page is very helpful clarifying just how I expect to be treated. Typically my methods work well. However, on rare occasions someone slips through my radar.

The other day I had a new client. From the moment this client arrived, I could tell something was off. He did not smile or look me in the eyes. He seemed distracted and nervous; fidgeting with the change in his pockets. Normally I am able to put people at ease right away, but this time it didn't feel like there was anything I could do to connect with him. He didn't appear receptive to a hug hello or even a handshake. He stood awkwardly in the middle of my treatment room. I had to invite him to have a seat twice before he finally sat down. However, it was only a few seconds before he was saying something about how he forgot his cell phone in the car.

I touched his hand and looked him right in the eyes and said,"you seem a little nervous, is everything OK?" For a split second, I felt a connection. He took a deep breath and let it out. He finally made eye contact with me for about 3 seconds. He looked like he wanted to share something real, but then he looked away and said "everything is fine" and went right back into the phony cell phone story. So I said, "Sure... go." I knew this was an excuse to get out the door, but I did not try to stop him. A moment after he got into his car I could hear the engine start up, and then him driving away.

I wished he had been able to just tell me directly that he had changed his mind, or whatever was going on. I did not allow myself to go down the whole road of self doubt. I resisted the impulse to call or text him to ask why. There was a momentary feeling of loss. This was certainly unsettling. He had shut me out before we began. I had gotten mentally as well as physically prepared to offer a healing session, but I hadn't gotten the opportunity to show my magic. Plus, I really could have used the money from this session. However, what I realized that I felt most of all was a sense of relief.  I took a deep clearing breathe and simply let it go. Just then my phone rang. It was him, the same client who had just walked out my door! He called to apologize for leaving. He told me that he had gotten nervous and didn't feel comfortable.  I told him that honestly it was a little unsettling that he just left like that, but I told him that his call made me feel much better. I thanked him for telling me the truth. I let him know that I thought it was a good thing he paid attention to how he was feeling, and I thanked him for taking care of himself. It was a short little conversation, but it gave me a deep sense of closure. I felt surprisingly calm.

Not even five minutes went by and I got a call from another prospective client who gladly answered all my screening questions, and said all the right things, but he was hoping he could see me right away, if at all possible. It felt like a gift from the Universe. Since I was all ready set up and prepared, and my schedule had just magically cleared up, I was able to do something I generally do not do. I booked an immediate session. In about twenty minutes, I was facilitating a wonderful healing session with a very charming, calm and receptive client. Everything felt perfect, as it should be. I was so glad that the first client had opted to leave so that I was available to meet with this new client. After our session was over, this client shared with me that he had been interested in coming to see me for awhile. He told me that he had read all the details of my website and was contemplating calling me maybe for a couple months, but hadn't gotten up the nerve until today.  He said he just got what felt like a strong impulse that today was the day to call me and schedule a session. He also said that he was very glad that he had followed that impulse... that it was exactly what he needed and he made plans to return in two weeks.

My final assessment of this apparent "rejection" was that it was truly a blessing in disguise, and perhaps a gift from the Universe to reinforce my faith. Historically I have been a rather sensitive person and tend to take everything to heart. I could have easily let this experience dash my spirits but I didn't, and I didn't waist my energy wondering what was wrong with me and why he had rejected me?  It was wonderful to see this all play out so quickly. What a lovely opportunity to experience how "non-attachment" can work magic. When I was able to graciously let go of the feeling of wanting to complete a session with a client who was really not ready to have a healing session with me, then I was open to fully receive a client who was ready to have a healing session with me. Now I am ready to see what other magic this practice of non-attachment will work in my life.

How to get the BEST possible massage.

 

Have you ever slowing gotten up out of bed, and noticed every muscle seems to be screaming at you? Have you ever felt the stress level in your life get so high that it feels like you have to walk on your tip toes just to keep your head above it? Perhaps you are experiencing a serious lack of nurturing touch in your life? I can just imagine that you might have thought to yourself, "I really need a good massage?" However, if you do not already have a great massage therapist on speed dial, the challenge is often finding the right fit for you and your needs. There are so many choices available. Many people "claim" to be the ONE you want to see, but how can you really tell what your experience will be like with a new therapist, and if this will be a good fit? Is it all just a matter of luck? Sometimes you may just want to give someone new a try. Their advertisement may look very inviting... but is it all hype, or the real deal?

Perhaps you have done your "homework" so to speak, and researched the prospective therapist and still cannot be sure. You have taken the time to read the advertisement or advertisements carefully, clicked on the link to the therapist's website and read every detail. You have even found and read reviews of other people's experiences with this particular therapist. You notice that most of them are very positive reviews, however, maybe there are one or two really negative reviews that seem to tell a different story. Perhaps it makes you wonder... Is it just a matter of taste? Different strokes for different folks? Or is something else going on here?

I have had several clients and fellow massage therapists share their massage stories with me; some quite humorous and some horrific "massage gone wrong" experiences where the client's expectations were not in the same ballpark of what happened. Over the years I have learned a thing or two about what goes into a truly satisfying massage experience, beyond what they teach in massage school, and have had several rather odd yet enlightening experiences to learn from. The good news is that you can benefit from the mistakes of others! I am ready to let you in on some wonderful secrets on how to change your luck for the better. You really can dramatically increase your odds of getting a great massage by following a few simple guidelines and suggestions. I know it may sound to simple to be true, but I have broken it down for you to the four Cs; Clarity, Communication, Courtesy and Cleanliness.
 
1. Clarity. First, before you even make that call to schedule an appointment, be clear what you are seeking in your own mind. Different therapists or providers have different specialties. You are going to want to pick a therapist who has the right set of skills to match what you need. I don't mean you need to be an expert in massage to get what you need. What I do mean is know what you want and need. Don't assume that precisely what you want and are seeking is exactly the same as everyone else. My experience is that massage can meet a wide variety of needs, preferences and expectation. Recognize that you are a unique individual. To get a truly wonderful massage, the intention of the therapist needs to be in line with your needs and expectations. I can't tell you how many times someone has said something that leads me to believe they assume everyone (or at least most people) are more or less like themselves and wants pretty much what they want. However, I have learned that this is not really the case.

My first recommendation is to check in with your body. Get some clarity about what your body really needs. What do you feel? Are you in any pain? Do you have sore, tight or achy muscles? Notice where you tend to carry your stress? Perhaps you are not feeling any physical pain, but are seeking emotional balance. You may have some mental stress you would like to release and really need some help to get out of your head. Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed and your mind is racing. Perhaps what you really want and need is to be pampered. Make mental note of what you are feeling and what you would really like to experience. Massage means very different things to different people. Let me share with you two examples of clients, whose needs are completely different.
 
Example number one is a 42 year old man who is athletic. He has been pushing himself extra hard lately, working out at the gym and recently joined a community baseball team. Even though he is in pretty good physical shape, he is not as young as he used to be. It has been a long time since he played baseball. Perhaps he did not warm up enough or stretch enough or the activity was just outside his usual realm. Now his body is in pain, feeling the stress and strain of this activity. What he is seeking is a deeply therapeutic massage by a well trained massage therapist; someone who has not only been to massage school, but perhaps has had some advanced training, ideally someone who specializes in something like Deep Tissue Massage or Sports Massage. This client's highest priority is finding someone who has an excellent understanding of anatomy and physiology, knows how to recognize and tune into his body's therapeutic needs and will deliver an awesome restorative massage. His overall goal from the massage is to put his body back on the road to recovery so he can feel better and get back out there and play some more baseball.
 
Example number two is a 54 year old business man who is very touch deprived and stressed out from his demanding job. He does not currently have anyone in his life that fills his basic human need for touch, and perhaps is feeling a little lonely. The idea of a nice sensual massage sounds wonderful. He is not in any physical pain, but he is craving a relaxing and sensual touch experience. He would like to be touched, pampered, and cared for by a woman who is perhaps visually pleasing, warm, friendly, very attentive and eager to please. He may not be very concerned about her formal massage training, but does want to find someone who has a good intuitive understanding of the human body and knows what type of touch feels good. He knows that it is important to feel safe and well cared for. He would like to find someone who can connect with him and make him feel special. His overall goal is to find a massage provider that he is comfortable with, who is kind and seems to really enjoy giving sensual massage.

Having a real sense of clarity about your needs will help determine how you approach the next step, which involves asking the right questions, the ones that will help you determine if this provider is a good fit for your needs.
 
2. Communication. First of all, before you even call up the therapist, I highly recommend paying close attention to the wording of the advertisement. How the therapist describes the service she or he is offering can be very revealing. If this therapist has a website available, I recommend checking that out as well. What you are looking for are indications that this person is knowledgeable and skilled at providing the service you are seeking. You will likely still need to ask a few basic questions that will help you to narrow down if this person is offering the specific service you are seeking. All though there are many types of massage and bodywork available out there, most of them fit in one of two main categories; therapeutic or sensual massage. First you need to make sure you are talking to someone who offers the category of massage you are most interested in. The primary intention of each type is different.
 
A Therapeutic Massage is designed primarily as a treatment to bring about a therapeutic benefit or change. It may or may not feel good while it is happening. Although often times a therapeutic massage is pleasurable, its primary focus is to address physical issues such as releasing pain, correcting postural imbalances, or improving your physical state of well being in some way. A good therapeutic massage will help you to feel and function well when the massage is done or perhaps a few days later. Sometimes people may feel a bit sore after an intense Deep Tissue Massage or Structural Integration Session for a couple of days, but once the soreness wears off, they often feel much better. They should notice some type of physical improvement, particularly with regular sessions. However, a therapeutic type of massage does not necessarily need to be painful or even particularly intense. A Circulatory Massage is very soothing and relaxing. It involves a rhythmic medium pressure touch, and like the name implies, it is intended to improve the functioning of your Circulatory System. A Lymphatic Drainage Massage is a very gentle therapeutic massage designed to “unblocking” or speeding up the normal functioning of the Lymphatic System. A therapeutic massage may also go a long way to relieve stress, tension and help with emotional balance. But don't worry; you do not need to know the specific name for all the various types of therapeutic massages or individual techniques to get the result you want. You can leave all the specifics in the therapist’s hands. However, for the best results, you should be able to specify to the therapist what you hope to get out of your massage experience. For example, if you want to relieve stress, reduce pain, or want to know if this therapist can get the knots out from between your shoulder blades, just ask if this is something he or she can help you with. You may also want to ask them what their specialty or favorite type of massage is.
 
A Sensual Massage is intended primarily to provide the recipient with a deliciously pleasurable sensory experience. There are often many therapeutic benefits to receiving a sensual massage, particularly to our emotional and spiritual state of being, but the main focus is on sensation. A good sensual masseuse is a master of the senses and understands the art of touch. Often times a sensual massage functions to transport the recipient to a blissful, meditative, nearly trance like state of consciousness. The primary "sense" involved is the sense of touch. However, other senses may be incorporated as well, such as the sense of smell when essential oils are added. The true sensual masseuse also pays close attention to the music selected and the visual environment to create an overall positive sensory experience for the client.
 
Please be aware, the word "sensual" is very often miss used when it comes to massage. Now I am not placing any judgment here, either condemning or condoning the alternative use, but I am just trying to clarify what you might run into out there in reality, if you request a sensual massage. To be quite honest, many people, both providers and recipients, have come to use the word "Sensual" Massage, more or less, as a euphemism for an "Erotic" Massage, or a massage with some type of sexual release involved or "happy ending". In fact this alternative meaning has been so widely used, that the original meaning is often obscured or lost. Just for clarity, if you want to request a sensual massage that is non-erotic, I highly advised that you ask specifically if this provider offers a non-erotic sensual massage, or you might want to use different words to ask for what you are seeking, such as a blissful relaxation massage or perhaps a massage designed to awaken the senses.

Sometimes you may notice that the advertisement is very suggestive, and strongly hints at the real service being offered. If the masseuse is nude, provocatively posed or very suggestively dressed in the photo, than it might be pretty safe to assume that the erotic type of massage is what is being offered. Sometimes it seems that the more blatantly provocative the photos, the less real massage skills the masseuse has. However, if it is really not clear which type of massage is being offered, I would suggest very simply and directly asking if they offer the type massage you are seeking, and really listen to the answer. But keep it very simple and avoid getting graphic. If you are requesting an erotic massage session, I do NOT recommend that you ask if she or he will provide any specific sexual acts, or get into a discussion about how much extra they would charge you. If you try to engage them in any overt sexual talk, particularly in conjunction with money, this will very likely result in the masseuse hanging up on you, blocking you, stopping all communication. Please be aware that this type of talk puts the masseuse into a compromising legal situation. Even engaging in a conversation that involves any specific sexual act for a specific price may put them in jeopardy of being arrested. They may suspect that you are law enforcement trying to trick them.
 
You may like the picture that accompanies the advertisement, but this may not be enough to determine that this is the therapist for you. Although I personally think it is not ethical to misrepresent yourself, there are providers who use pictures that are not even of themselves, or maybe very old outdated photos from 20 years ago. If physical appearance or beauty is very important to you, be aware that pictures are sometimes very deceiving. The picture you see may or may not be a good representation of who you will be meeting with. If this is important to you, then I suggest that you ask if the picture on the advertisement is an actual up to date picture of the therapist you will be meeting with. If you get a bad vibe at any point while talking to a therapist, that they are not being honest with you, or don't seem to be a comfortable fit, then pay attention to that feeling and move on to someone else.
 
3. Courtesy. How you treat and interact with your provider makes a huge difference in the quality of the massage you will receive. Whenever I see a negative review of a massage therapist who I know normally gets glowing reviews, I suspect that the client may have actually behaved in such a way that they negatively affected the massage. Yes, they may have actually gotten a bad massage from a therapist that normally gives wonderful massages, because they (the client) did not behaved themselves well. As much as I try my best to give all my clients a fantastic massage, I recognize that I am only human. If a client is rude, insulting, demanding and grabby, or if they cross any of my boundaries, then I will be forced into a defensive mode. I simply cannot give a fantastic massage when I feel vulnerable or guarded. Please be respectful and polite at all time, and I assure that you will get a much better massage. If you are not certain about what the expectations are; what is allowed or not allowed, then ask politely before you do anything questionable, and then respect his or her wishes.
 
I have encountered some so called "hobbyists" who actually make a sport out of trying to get a purely therapeutic massage therapist, who has clearly stated that she does not offer any erotic services, to touch them erotically. This so called hobbyist generally does not bring up their true interest until after the massage has already started. They may try to steer the massage down a sexual path in a subtle or sometimes not so subtle way. This behavior is disastrous on several levels. I could go in to depth about how potentially damaging this is to therapist, who may be constantly bombarded with sexually demeaning overtures on a daily basis. I could tell you about many potentially gifted therapists who have been discouraged and given up massage therapy as a profession all together over this issue. I could tell you about others who gave into to the pressure, but resented it and became bitter and cold. But more to the point, it is just not a good strategy for you to engage in if you want a top quality massage. You will most likely experience one of three less than optimal possible outcomes:
1. She may refuse to continue the massage altogether and send you packing on the spot (possibly without your money).
2. She may try to continue with a purely therapeutic massage, but the quality will suffer because she will be very guarded.
3. She may give in to the pressure. Even if you achieve some type of victory by wearing her down, if her heart is not in it, I can assure you the quality will not be good. Do you think a touch given begrudgingly, is really worth all the effort?

Another behavior that can diminish the quality of your massage is trying to haggle over the price. You may be able to politely ask if she or he is offering any specials, or ask if she or he offers a discount perhaps to military or senior citizens if this applies to you. But if the answer is no, you need to let it go. If you cannot afford the price asked, then I suggest moving right on to a different therapist who is already in your price range. If you continue to try to wear her or him down, this will not work in your favor. This is very insulting. It is extremely hard to give a good massage to someone who has just insulted you. I strongly suggest either pay the price asked or pick a different therapist.
 
4. Cleanliness. You might think this one would be common sense, but I can tell you from personal experience that more often than I would like to recall, I have had a client lie down on my massage table who was not hygienically savvy. Remember that in order for your therapist to do a good job, they are in very close proximity with you for generally an hour or more, with their nose all right up in your business. If you have bad breath, body odder, or dirty stinky feet, they cannot escape it. Please put extra care into your hygiene before getting a massage. It will pay off. It is extremely hard to do your best work on someone who is not clean or smells bad. If you take the time to brush your teeth, take a shower, use a little soap and deodorant, believe me, you will get a much better massage than if you do not. If you are unable to do these things before your massage because you are coming straight from a hot sweaty job, then please ask the therapist if there is a shower facility available to use on site. If the answer is yes, then bring your toiletries with you, use the shower before you get on the massage table and don't forget to brush your teeth.

Cleanliness also applies, in the broader sense of the word, to being drug and alcohol free. If you arrive intoxicated or under the influence of a mind altering drug, this is not acceptable. This puts both you and the therapist at risk. You are not only more likely to behave badly, but you actually are more likely to experience an injury when intoxicated. You are likely to be dehydrated and physically compromised in a variety of ways. You will have less sensory awareness and your perception will be altered affecting your ability to communicate your needs and physical limitations. This will adversely affect your judgment and your overall massage experience. If the therapist notices your altered state, she or he may ask you to leave.
 
To sum it all up; if you want to get the best possible massage, be aware that your behavior matters a great deal. First, do your homework. There are vastly different types of massages out there. You need to know what you really want. Don't just look at the pictures; take the time to read the words in the advertisement or website if one is available. Notice if what the therapist claims to offer seems to be in line with what you are seeking. Call and ask directly but politely if this provider offers the service you really want. If you get a bad vibe, or are suspicious that this therapist is not being honest, pay attention to your gut feelings and don’t go. Always be a gentleman. By all means, please do not arrive to your appointment smelly or intoxicated.

If you would like to schedule a massage with me, please take a look at my website, and then contact me for an appointment. http://www.angelstouches.com

 

The Tantric Art of Making Love

Tantra has been nicknamed "the science of ecstasy".  Many assume that Tantra is simply the art of sex. Tantra expands our capacity for pleasure, yet it is much more. Tantra is about living life well and being more alive in the present moment. Tantra is the art of love.

Tantric sex is one part of a much larger spiritual practice of Tantra that touches on every aspect of life. However, it is understandable why many people are most curious about the “sexual” applications of Tantra. Sex is a very compelling force of nature. Tantric philosophy teaches us that everything is to be experienced playfully, yet with awareness. There is a sense of sacredness in every gesture, every sensory perception, and every action. The path of Tantra appreciates all of our senses and sexual experiences as a conscious meditation. 

Sadly in today’s fast paced society; the default expectation is that our careers should be our first priority, and that our relationships should magically just take care of themselves. In reality this never works out well.  When the majority of our time, attention and energies are focused on work, often times our love lives suffer by taking a back seat.  What we sometimes forget is that relationships need to be feed and cultivated if we want them to flourish.  Romance takes some creativity, but it is well worth the effort. Sometimes we act as if intimacy is a luxury, or an afterthought, but once it is gone from our relationship, we may start to recognize that it is a real need. Even relationships that started out as solid, loving and passionate suffer from neglect. In our minds we may be doing the whole high powered career thing for the sake of our beloved. However, if we don’t also budget some time for one another, the result is often a loss of intimacy. If we don’t continue to communicate, to connect with our partner on a heart level, and to kiss each other like we really mean it, the result is the deterioration of our relationship and a lack of passion in our sex life. Even with the most patient and understanding of partners, resentment may begin to silently build. Sometimes without meaning to, couples stop taking the time to look into each other’s eyes and stop touching one another. Before we know it, we may be living with someone who once was our lover, but is now a stranger.  I am not suggesting that we all need to quit our jobs and make our relationship our full time focus.  However, finding little ways to keep love alive, and keep the spark in our sex lives is worthy of our attention. Tantra gives us a structure to follow, as well as some practical tools and techniques to bring the focus back to love and passion.

Tantra is Transformational; teaching us to be open to experience more pleasure, to connect with the divine within us and the divine within our partner. When we apply Tantric principles to our relationship with our beloved, we make LOVE our top priority. We focus on heightening and prolonging that special rapport that exists between lovers during lovemaking. We elevate love making beyond the physical act to a spiritual experience. Through sacred love making rituals we celebrate the union of our bodies, hearts, minds and spirits. Every act of love represents divine union. The more we release the limitations of fear, the deeper we can open into the consciousness of love.  The spiritual part of tantra is to use your sexual energy to merge ecstatically with your partner and through him or her to become one with the cosmos or god.

A devoted student of Tantric philosophy goes through an extensive program of physical, sexual and mental exercises to heighten sensory awareness.  The tantrika, or Tantra student, will gain an in-depth understanding about the chakras or energy centers of the body. They will learn how to open up these centers, release block energy and move sexual kundalini energy through their whole body. They will also learn how to connect and circulate this energy through their lover’s body while making love. Tantra involves a slow and thoughtful practice of lovemaking techniques. The student learns to comfortably extend the time of lovemaking. In this way they train themselves to be more aware of their own feelings and sensations as well as those of their partner.

What is special about Tantric sex? Tantric sex is to ordinary sex what gourmet food is to fast food. With tantric sex we relax, breath and let go of the outside world. We expand our awareness of all our senses as we gaze into the soul of our beloved. We tune into our beloved’s energy and celebrate our union. We make time for lovemaking, because it is a priority; connecting intimately with our partner, and renewing our love in the present moment. Making love becomes a type of worship, honoring and celebrating the divine within us. The connection is not only physical, but emotional and spiritual. We take the luxury of time to savor every sensation. Instead of rushing or focusing on the goal of reaching a climax, the whole experience of sensual connection is enjoyed and expanded. The energy of sexual arousal is allowed to build slowly and expand fully into a heightened orgasmic state of ecstasy that generally is not reached through ordinary sex.  By moving and expanding our sexual energy up through all the energy centers of the body, we may experience an intense extended state of euphoria that some refer to as a full body orgasm.  

There is a common misconception about Tantra that I would really like to dispel.  Occasionally I hear people express a concern or reluctance to explore tantra because they have heard that during tantric sex, you are not allowed to cum. This misunderstanding naturally discourages people from wanting to explore Tantra because it sounds potentially frustrating and unsatisfying. Especially if you interpret this to mean you cannot have an orgasm. The good news is, this is not the case.  Yes, there are some Tantric techniques that are taught and practiced among some tantrikas for enjoying sex without ejaculating.  There is some real value in this practice, particularly in learning how to experience orgasms without ejaculating, because this opens up some interesting sexual possibilities. If this intrigues you, then I highly recommend giving it a try. However, these practices are not a mandatory part of Tantric sex.  

Tantra is both a spiritual practice and sexual philosophy, yet it is not a religion or system that involves restrictions, denial or deprivation of any kind. In fact the practice of Tantra often encourages followers to explore and dispel taboos. Tantra is a practice of consciously saying yes to life and yes to new experiences. There really are no rules against anything pleasurable or mutually consensual in Tantra, especially no rules forbidding orgasms or even ejaculating. Tantra is practiced across many cultures, and in conjunction with various religious and cultural beliefs that sometimes get mixed up with the pure practice of Tantra. Sex without any ejaculation at all is a practice that I believe stems from a cultural / spiritual belief that is not purely tantric in origin, but rather a philosophy of longevity that is practiced by some Hindus and Taoists. There is a belief that preserving the ejaculation fluid inside your body preserves your life force energy and therefore prolongs your life.  However, this is not a belief held or practiced by all Tantric lovers around the world.  The majority of American and European Tantric lovers that I know do not feel compelled to practice a strict form of non-ejaculation with tantric sex. However, prolonging arousal or postponing climax to allow the energy to reach a higher level is often practiced as a way to expand awareness and orgasmic bliss.

The art of prolonging pleasure without reaching climax is described in the Kama Sutra, the Hindu sex manual written in the 4th century. "Karezza" is the term used to define a practice of the male pleasuring his partner and prolonging their intercourse by perpetuating his state of orgasm without actually ejaculating. With practice, he may experience a sensation of internal and sometimes multiple internal orgasms.  Some people refer to this type of orgasm as a dry orgasm because it happens without ejaculation. A dry orgasm is pleasurable, yet still allows the sexual act to continue, prolonging the state of orgasmic bliss for a couple's mutual enjoyment. The art of Karezza incorporates breath control, meditation, work with postures, and finger pressure into the sexual act.

The Kama Sutra speaks about Karezza as a male practice; however, females can also expand their orgasmic experience in a similar fashion.  Although ejaculation control is not a female issue of concern, many of the same basic principles of extending and expanding orgasmic awareness through breath control, meditation, postures and touch apply to the feminine sexual experience as well. Plus, females who previously have had difficulty achieving an orgasm during sex, perhaps have never experienced multiple orgasms, have never experienced internal g-spot pleasure, or female ejaculation before, can often open up their ability to experience more pleasure and a whole variety of new types of  orgasms with a little practice and support from a patient Tantric lover.

There are some really good Tantric techniques for ejaculation control, or delaying ejaculation that you may want to explore to enhance your orgasmic experience. The point is not to deprive you or your partner of anything, but rather to allow for broadening your definition and experience to include more pleasure, and an expanded view of sexuality. Experimenting with ways to prolonging love making for your mutual pleasure is encouraged in Tantric practice.  However, I personally think there is room in the tantrika’s repertoire for an occasional quickie. However, I would like to suggest that this not be the only option available to you, and would hope that you would make time on a regular basis for luxurious Tantric love making sessions with your partner.

Why Might Someone Wish to Experience Tantra? My first response would be in the form of a question. I would ask “why not?” Perhaps it would be to explore sensuality within a spiritual context, or to heal old sexual wounds or traumas that inhibit your full sexual expression. Perhaps it would be to build confidence as a lover or enhance intimacy with your beloved. One of the primary purposes of tantra is to awaken the Kundalini; a very powerful, intense and healing form of energy that can make us feel younger, more alive and vibrant. When kundalini is awakened, it can travel up through the spine, releasing blocked energy, igniting the transformational powers of each of the seven chakras. The result is higher states of awareness, improved health and often euphoric states of pleasure. 

If you are interested in learning more about tantra, or would like to schedule a Tantric counseling session with me, please take a look at my website: http://www.angelstouches.com