If you have a sweetheart, you are most likely
acutely aware that the most romantic of holidays is just around the corner.
Valentine's Day is THE holiday for couples to celebrate and express romantic
love to one another. Perhaps you are already thinking about what you would like
to try this year to make this an especially romantic day. If you are seeking to
offer something more personal and intimate than a store bought Valentine's Day
card, a banquette of flowers or chocolate candies in a heart shaped box,
perhaps offering a delightfully pampering sensual massage experience would ignite
your lover's heart and passion. You may wish to simply treat your sweetheart
this time around, or perhaps suggest that you both take a turns pampering each
other.
For many lovers touch is a significant way to
demonstrate and communicate love. Every one of us actually needs touch for our
health and emotional well being. It's good for our circulation, our nervous
system, helps us to relax and unwind. Most of all, it can make us feel loved.
It potentially enhances the intimate connection we share with our partner. If
you really want to offer your partner something out of the ordinary, a truly
pampering sensual massage, this should involve a bit more than simply
slathering your partner with some oil or lotion for a few minutes. Very slow,
conscious touch is the best.
A sensual massage is an art. Like most art
forms, you want to communicate something with your art. It is most meaningful
when the art comes from the heart, but without the right materials to work with
and some basic awareness of what techniques to use to get the effect you want,
your art will fall short of your vision. You may be wondering, “Where should I
begin?” I am ready to offer you some simple secret DOs and DON’Ts that if
implemented, could take your Valentine’s Day sensual massage from ordinary to
extraordinary!
Setting
the Stage
DO
put some thought into the details before the massage begins.
When preparing to give a sensual massage,
it is important to keep in mind that the intention is to pamper your partner by
delighting all the senses, and giving them an exquisite experience of pleasure.
Naturally the sense of touch has center stage in a sensual massage, but we
should not forget about the rest of the senses. You are certainly not here to
offer your partner a detached, mechanical or clinical treatment. This is very
personal. When orchestrating this experience, take what you know about your
partner’s likes and dislikes into consideration. You should also consider the
timing. Ideally, going into the massage, you should not be either too full or
too hungry. Although I do not recommend
timing the massage to immediately follow a heavy meal, a light tasty snack before
your massage might be a splendid idea. This will offer some pleasure to the
taste buds and provide energy to sustain you through the massage. Perhaps you could select some sensual finger
type foods, preferably something that you know your partner likes, that you
could feed to each other.
DO
keep the temperature comfortable. I recommend
keeping the room a bit on the warm side; perhaps around 75 or 76 degrees or so.
You want it to be warm enough for the recipient to be totally comfortable when
uncovered (nude). The best way to know for sure is to ask the recipient if it
is warm enough, and if not, turn up the heat until it is. If the room you are
using tends to get cold or drafty, you may want to have a space heater in the
room with you. You simply want to plan ahead so that you can easily adjust the
temperature as necessary to make it pleasantly warm and toasty, yet not too hot.
Keep in mind that when it is warm enough for the recipient, it may possibly feel
a bit too warm to the one giving the massage, because whoever is giving the
massage will be exerting more energy, so be careful not to drip sweat onto your
partner. Keep an extra hand towel handy
in case you need to wipe your brow.
DO
pay attention to the ambiance. I love doing a
sensual massage in a room with a fireplace. A fire adds to the ambiance, as
well as the overall feeling of warmth. Remember, we want to delight the senses.
If a fireplace is not available, then perhaps light a candle or two. Candles
are a very nice touch to provide a subtle indirect form of lighting. Harsh bright
overhead lights are not desirable in the massage setting, because they detract
from relaxation and are not very flattering either, but fire light actually adds
to the feeling of warmth and romance. Plus
you can use scented candles to add a delightful aroma.
Personally I think a little background music
is a very nice idea. The right selection of music can help you both you and
your partner to feel more relaxed, it can add a lot to the mood and ambiance. It
may also help you to slow down and pace yourself well to glide through the
massage. So, indulge your sense of hearing in a subtle way with some well
chosen music. Select something that is relaxing, and enhances the romantic
mood. Ideally you want the music to be something that is a nice soothing back
ground for the massage, so nothing too loud, too fast or over-bearing.
DO
provide a comfortable place for your partner to receive the massage.
Will you be using a massage table, spreading
a soft blanket on the floor, or perhaps using a bed? If you have a massage
table available, I would recommend using it. For one thing, using a real
massage table communicates that you intend to treat your partner to a real
luxurious massage, not simply 5 minutes of a half hearted rub down. Also, most
massage tables are adjustable, so you can set it at a height that feels good for
you, as well as making your partner comfortable. However, if a massage table is
not an option, then go the extra mile to make the best use of the space
available to communicate that something out of the ordinary is about to happen.
Perhaps you could even sprinkle some flower petals around the area, or form
them in the shape of a heart. If you are using the floor, make sure there is
enough padding underneath you and your partner; perhaps a couple of thick
blankets, quilts and a pillow or two. Cover the area you will be using with
sheets, and have a towel handy. If you are using the bed, I also recommend that
you spread an extra sheet right over the top of the covers. The idea is to make
it comfortable, clean and inviting. You also want to be sure you are giving
this massage on something that is washable. You do not want to taint this
experience with the worry of possibly ruining an expensive rug or messing up
the bed you intend to sleep in by spilled oil all over it.
DON'T
allow distractions into the environment. You don't want to
be interrupted or distracted. I
recommend turning off the ringer to your phones; cell phones and landlines. Allow
voice mail to provide a real service. If you have young children, plan ahead and
get a sitter. Make sure the room is visually pleasing, devoid of any clutter or
unfinished projects. You don't want to be distracted by thoughts of stuff that
needs to be finished or things you could potentially trip over. Turn off the TV
and, as much as possible, eliminate potential distraction; unpleasant sights,
sounds and smells… anything that might take your minds away from the pleasure
of the moment. You want the massage and the special time you are sharing with
your partner to be where all the focus goes.
Making
a Connection
DO
keep in mind the goal of creating an experience of bliss and sensual delight.
You are going to use touch to communicate tender, romantic feelings and create
an intimate connection with your partner. The little details can make a really
big difference. Where will this massage be taking place and how you will prepare
the area? Think about what room will you be using; what you want to have in the
room with you, as well as what you want to make sure is not in the room with you.
Whether or not you have had any massage or bodywork training is not as
important as your ability to tune in to pleasure; your partner’s pleasure as
well as your own pleasure. Remain present, and notice what your beloved
responds too. Today you are setting out to be a touch artist, to communicate in
the language of love. Beginning with the very first touch, you want
to make a connection. Set out to not only massage your partner's body, but to touch their soul.
DO
use oil, or other massage product of your choice. Personally I think that using oil, as opposed to
giving a dry massage, adds a great deal to the sensory pleasure of the massage.
How you apply the oil makes a world of
difference. How much should be used? To some
extent, the amount of oil used may be a matter of personal preference. Personally
I prefer not to over use the oil when giving a sensual massage. I want my
partner to feel my touch and the sensation of my skin and warmth against their
skin, not just the sensation of oil dripping down their sides. If you are not
sure how much to use, I recommend using just enough oil to create a nice glide,
but no more. However, I am aware that some people may really like the
"slippery seal" sensation of lots of oil. If this is the case, then I
recommend using sheets you don't mind getting completely oily, and perhaps a
plastic drop cloth underneath. Also, have plenty of towels handy to wipe off with
when you are done.
What type of oil should be used? I recommend
using an oil or some another product such as lotion or gel that was designed
specifically for massage. However, there are also some all natural types of oil
that you might use that you could also cook or bake with, such as coconut,
grape seed or sweet almond oil. If you would like to indulge your sense of
smell, then consider using oil that is infused with a little bit of naturally
aromatic essential oil like lavender. I like to use oil that can be safely
ingested and has a pleasant taste, especially because "kissing" may
be involved, but also because our skin absorbs what we put on it and it gets
into our system even if we do not eat it.
DON'T
use baby oil. It tends to be too
slick, overly shiny and sits on the surface of your skin. However, there is an
even bigger reason to avoid it. Baby oil smells like… well… babies. Our sense of smell is particularly linked to
memory. This scent may be unconsciously linked with memories of taking care for
young children, especially if you are a parent, ever baby sat, or helped to
care for your younger siblings. The intention here is to create a relaxing,
intimate, adult type of sensory experience, not to trigger anxious memories of
sleepless nights changing diapers. Also void using heavily perfumed oil that
could potentially irritate sensitive areas. You want to be able to safely
explore your lover’s entire body seamlessly, without concerned over getting any
of the wrong type of product in the wrong places. So use something that can be safely
used anywhere on the body, even the most delicate parts, without irritation. Having
to stop, wash your hands and change products is just not sexy or spontaneous. Be
especially careful not to use anything that includes an ingredient your partner
is allergic too. Please, never pour cold oil directly onto your partner's body!
DO
apply the oil to your own hands first, and warm up the oil.
You can use a special oil warming device if you happen to have one, however, if
you are warming the oil this way be careful that you do not make it too hot. Burns
are not what we are going for here. Another way to go is to simply rub your
hands together vigorously to create some friction. This will increase the
circulation to your hands, simultaneously warming up your hands and the oil, before
you glide your hands over your partner's body. Thoughtfully apply your hands
and the pre-warmed oil to your partner’s skin through your touch. Generally a
little oil goes a long way. However, you may need to reapply the oil to your
hands if you notice that your hands are no longer gliding smoothly, or when you
get to a new area of the body. The idea is to keep a nice smooth sensual glide going
with a minimal amount of oil.
DO
pay attention to your posture and body alignment.
Remember that you are not only allowed
to enjoy giving this massage, it is a much better experience for both you and
your partner if you do. However, you can’t really enjoy it if you are in pain.
Take a deep breath, make sure your body is relaxed and that you have a secure
stance with your feet. I like to stand with one foot in front on me and one
foot behind me, so I can rock or glide back and forth smoothly as if doing a
dance during the massage. Bend your knees,
and use your legs to power the movement. If you notice that your back is
starting to hurt, or your neck is getting tired, stop and reposition yourself.
If you are not comfortable while giving the massage, the quality of the massage
will suffer. Be sure to have at least a general plan of how long you want to
make this massage last at the beginning of the massage, so that you can pace
yourself accordingly, but be flexible enough to modify that plan if need be. You
want to send some loving touch into every part of your partner’s body, and you
want your energy to be able to last until the end.
Do
the massage very slowly. The first touch is very important for
setting the tone, so make sure your partner is ready. Then slowly, lovingly
lower your hands to make contact. I recommend holding that initial contact for
a moment before you proceed with a very slow and conscious stroke. Most people
have a tendency to move way to fast, especially when they are first learning
how to give a sensual massage. Remember this is not a race or a sports massage.
You are making love to your partner through touch. Glide over your partner’s
body slowly, enjoying every curve and detail. Allowing your partner to respond
to the sensation of your touch, and pay attention to your partner’s subtle
responses. Notice how your partner is breathing, and if you can feel the
tension melt away. Pay attention to your
partner’s body language, facial expressions and sounds. Notice if you can feel
your beloved relaxing into your touch and letting go. It may help for you to
think of the massage as being a little bit like a slow romantic dance.
DO
add some variety to your touch. A little
repetition is alright. You do want to create a relaxing continuous feeling of
touch that feels fluid and connected. However, you certainly don't want it to
get boring. Personally I prefer to mix it up a bit. When I am giving a sensual
massage I like to vary the type and quality of strokes to keep it interesting.
I might use some deep and connected strokes using my whole hand, particularly
on areas of the body that respond well to pressure, like the back and
shoulders, even leaning in at times to add some weight and pressure with my
body, and then follow it up with some feather light touch, just using my finger
tips or very lightly scratching my nails to send delightful chills up my
lover’s spine. Experiment with the quality and type of touch and really notice
what your partner responds to favorably. Of course when you find a stroke that
gets a particularly good response from your partner, you may want to repeat
that one, or come back to it often.
DO
have a plan for the sequence of your massage. You want to
massage as much of your partner’s body as possible, and leave them with a
feeling of being balanced and thoroughly pampered. I suggest that you begin by asking your
partner lie face down, so that you can massage the back side of their body
first. Perhaps start with the area between the shoulders. Imagine that you are not
only relaxing the tension out of your partner’s body, but that you are opening
up your partner’s heart, from the back. Then slowly work your way down the
back. Give some loving attention to your partner’s lower back and buttocks. At
this point you may wish to reposition yourself at your partner’s feet. Don’t
underestimate the potential sensuality of a good massage to the feet and toes. Start
with one foot, and then slowly work your way up the leg, massaging up to and
including the buttock. Then go to the other foot and do in all again on the
other side. I realize that this sequence will have you massaging the buttocks
twice, once from above and once from below, but I believe that the derriere is worthy
of this double attention. Keep in mind
that you are slowly working your way to the middle of the body.
DON’T
be in a rush to get overly sexual to soon. The whole massage
should be sensual, and playful, but not overly aggressive, and never rushed. You
don’t want to skip over parts or get ahead of yourself. Remember your plan. You
want the pleasure and anticipation to build slowly and steadily. Also, keep in
mind that it just doesn’t feel right if you massage one side of the body a lot more
than the other, or forget to massage one foot or leg all together. Do the best
you can to distribute your attention well. I suggest thinking of a sensual
massage as a slow tease… not as a swift attack.
DO
ask your partner to turn over, once you are done with the back side.
Now that your partner is face up, make eye contact. Remember that the intention
of a sensual massage is pleasure. Slow, conscious touch is the best approach.
Take your time and tune into your partner's rhythm. Massage your partner’s
hands, arms, shoulders and chest. Gently massage your partner’s belly. Breathe
with them and look into their eyes. Before you are tempted to skip ahead,
remember to massage the front of the legs, and pay some luxurious attention to
the inner thighs. Stay on course with your plan to get to everything. However,
you can pick up the pace and move things along faster, if you get a clear
signal from your partner that they are really ready for you to do so. Slowly work
your way to your partner’s most juicy bits. Then, if you and your partner are
ready to take things in a more erotic direction, lovingly massage your partner’s
genitals. Remember to start lightly and slowly, teasing, and building the
intensity. Check in with your partner frequently, to be sure that you are
getting the right spots, and using the right amount of pressure.
How
you conclude this massage is up to the two of you.
You may choose to continue the massage with your touch, or perhaps orally
pleasure your partner to an explosive completion. However, you may want to stop
the massage at the point of blissful arousal, and save some of the energy and fireworks
to shift into love making mode. One thing I’d like to suggest, if you opt to
take the sensual massage to completion, than consider continuing to massage for
your partner beyond the big crescendo. Go back up to your partner’s neck, face,
and head. Gently massage these areas as your partner relaxes blissfully. Finally,
give your partner a tender kiss on the forehead when the massage is done. Whatever
you do, be sure to communicate, smile, laugh together and have fun. 